- Liv Arnold met her now-husband at work after they bonded over how much they hated their job.
- Even though they were dating other people, they started hanging out a lot after work.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Liv Arnold, a 29-year-old who met her husband at work. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
Tim and I met 12 years ago when we were both working for one of Australia's "big four" banks. We were on the same team and sat next to each other. We bonded over the fact that we both really, really hated our job. We fantasized about quitting together.
Nevertheless, we both stayed on that team for a year before moving to other roles in the company. Our job was in the home loans team and we had the same manager. We hated it because we were expected to sell a product — home loans — to customers who couldn't necessarily afford it. It was the worst kind of sales job. But our shared sense of humor got each other through it.
We started as coworkers and then became friends, and now, we have been a couple for 11 years.
We bonded in and out of the office
We'd play silly games to distract ourselves from the awfulness. One was called "Would you rather?" We'd ask each other things like: "Would you rather eat a newborn baby or get a sexually transmitted disease?" It was really stupid stuff, but we'd giggle when we should've been working.
We had the same group of office friends, but they were flaky. We'd arrange dinners, movies, or after-work drinks. But one by one, they'd all bail at the last minute, leaving just Tim and me. Tim proved to me then that he was reliable; he'd show up when he said he would. And so would I.
Often it was just Tim and I alone — even though we both were in relationships at the time. I initially saw Tim just as a friend. I didn't have any romantic hopes or ideas for the first few months.
But then Tim's relationship ended. He discovered his partner was having an affair. Meanwhile, I was in a long-distance relationship. We saw each other about once a month, but neither of us wanted to move for the other. So we knew it wasn't right.
I didn't break up with my boyfriend till the following year. During that time, Tim and I were strictly just friends and colleagues; there was no affair.
Even though we sat next to each other, we'd started messaging each other on the instant messaging service at work so we could discreetly send each other jokes and make each other laugh, making the day go quicker. Colleagues started making jokes that maybe something was going on between us.
But then we started dating for real
Valentine's Day was around the corner. We'd all planned to go out, but, yet again, all our friends canceled as usual. So it was just Tim and me again. We were having drinks, and Tim got pretty drunk. I realized he had feelings.
We finally got together and continued to work on the same team, sitting next to each other for another four months. When we told our colleagues we were dating, they thought we were joking. We had to convince them we were serious.
The senior managers said they could see it coming a mile away and were really happy for us, even congratulating us.
We've been together ever since
Now, I'm a copywriter and author. I write romance novels about office romances. I guess I have some experience there. Tim thinks the charming heroes in my books are based on him, but they're not at all.
We've been together for 11 years and got married in 2016. Tim has a new job at an energy company. I don't worry about him meeting someone else at work, as we have a lot of trust.
Office romances are common. My advice is to go for it. As we worked for a big bank, I at least knew Tim had cleared a police check, extensive background checks, and a credit check. So I knew he wasn't a criminal or bankrupt. That's a good start if you ask me. You don't get those reassurances on Tinder.