My boyfriend said he cheated on me, but he lied so I'd break up with him. Finding that out was the closure I needed to move on.

• I met my ex in college. After a few months together, he ghosted me.
• I couldn't get over him — and eventually, years later, we started dating again.

For a long time, my ex-boyfriend from college, Shawn, was "the one that got away" for me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get over him.

Then we got back together.

When I met Shawn, I was in my early 20s. He was handsome and had an infectious sense of humor. An hour into our first conversation, I felt like we'd known each other forever.

What started as an easy friendship quickly turned into much more. Over the next few months we stayed up all night talking on the phone, listening to records, and fooling around in bed.

A few years earlier, I'd experienced a sexual assault that often left me feeling disconnected from my body and desires. With Shawn I felt safe and understood, like I could be truly vulnerable with him.

One day, he ghosted. We'd known each other for only a few months, but I was gutted when he disappeared.

Years later we reconnected and got together again

In the years that followed, I struggled to fully move on, comparing everyone I met to Shawn. I held on to the memory of him, in part because of what he represented: my carefree college days when I was happier and wasn't shackled with the responsibilities of adulthood.

As a result, I spent much of my 20s in the emotional equivalent of a cul-de-sac. Unable to get back to the main road and be fully present in my relationships, I drove in circles, obsessing over an idealized version of the past.

Eight years later, I was newly single after ending a serious relationship, and I'd moved in with a friend from college. I was taking a break from unpacking boxes when I received a Facebook message from Shawn.

We quickly fell into our old rhythm and spent our spare moments together in bed, making up for lost time. He told me that he'd always loved me and that he wanted a future together. I felt the same way.

Six weeks after reconnecting with Shawn, I went to visit my parents for the holidays. It had been a tumultuous few months, and I was looking forward to regrounding myself. Shawn told me to take as much time as I needed.

He lied to me

Three weeks into my visit, Shawn dropped a bombshell. "I met someone, and we've been sleeping together," he said.

I was so confused. What happened to wanting a future together? When I asked him why, he said, "I got tired of waiting for you."

I told him it was over and hung up the phone in shock. By the time I called back, he'd blocked my number and my social-media accounts. He was gone. Again.

Shawn was my safe place. The thought of him being with someone else made me nauseous. I was devastated but also angry at myself for trusting him again.

A few weeks later, a package arrived in the mail from Shawn. Inside were mix CDs. "I hope you listen to these and think of me," he wrote in a note. I didn't. I threw them out.

I also threw out a necklace of mine that I'd asked him to return. Attached to it was another note explaining that he'd never cheated on me, he simply didn't know how else to break things off.

I was livid. I couldn't believe he'd chosen telling a hurtful lie over having an honest conversation with me. I'll never understand his behavior, and that's OK. At that moment, I decided to let him go for good.

As painful and confounding as this breakup was, I'm grateful it happened. Hanging on to Shawn prevented me from falling in love not only with other people but with my own life. With his dumping me in such a bizarre way, I received the clarity and closure I needed to finally move forward.

I moved to the other side of the country, launched a writing career, and worked with a therapist to process my trauma. Most importantly, I learned how to live in the moment and truly appreciate the present.

Before Shawn came back into my life for the second time, I'd often wonder, "Will I ever feel that way again?" I've finally made peace with the answer being no.

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