- Sex educator and dominatrix Lola Jean and jiu-jitsu coach LT Hawk created a "Wrestling for Lovers" course.
- At in-person and virtual classes, students learn safety, grips, holds, and "baby bear play."
Professional dominatrix Lola Jean stands 5'3," but that doesn't stop her from lifting male clients over her head and pinning them to the ground.
An expert in fetish wrestling, or wrestling for sexual gratification, Jean is now passing her UFC-inspired knowledge on to adventurous New Yorkers in a class called "Wrestling for Lovers." Jean works with LT Hawk, the jiu-jitsu coach who first taught Jean wrestling moves in 2017.
Jean remembers visiting Hawk, a friend-of-a-friend, at their apartment multiple times a week for lessons. After a couple of months practicing chokes and holds, "all the puzzle pieces just clicked," Jean told Insider.
First, she incorporated the moves into her job, then her personal life. Jean said she loved how it felt to be playful and rough during sex. She also found the techniques efficient for certain "sexploits."
Less than a year after Jean learned from Hawk, they created "Wrestling for Lovers," and have been teaching and refining it ever since.
The duo offers virtual lessons and periodic in-person classes at New York City-based play parties. In both, they go over safety, demonstrate moves on each other, and teach students the concept of "baby bear play" — wrestling that toes the line between playful and aggressive — before letting them try it.
Insider spoke with two class attendees, who said the course helped them gain confidence and discover fresh ways to experiment with power dynamics in their sex lives without fear of getting physically injured.
At in-person class in New York City, students learn to combine physical force and intimacy
One in-person play party attendee, who asked to remain anonymous for privacy reasons, said he's never been to an event like sexy wrestling class before.
He learned of the event on Jean's Instagram soon after moving to New York. Bored and with just enough money to buy a ticket, he decided to attend the event alone to learn techniques for his personal life.
He was nervous to wrestle in front of other people and explain what he was into, but those concerns faded soon after joining class, the anonymous attendee told Insider.
He was impressed by the welcoming and casual atmosphere in the class.
Jean and Hawk had students stand in a circle around them on padded mats while they explained safety techniques, like tapping your partner's shoulder twice to "tap out" of a move, rather than using a safe word. Before class, they instruct students to wear snug-fitting athletic clothing that won't get twisted or become a choking hazard, and to take off jewelry.
Next, Jean and Hawk move into demonstrations, where they show how to combine force and intimacy, pushing each other around one minute and embracing the next. They also show how partners can adjust their bodies to account for weight differences, disabilities, or discomfort in a certain position.
According to Jean, it's a misconception that play-wrestling requires sheer physical strength.
"It's more like an unchoreographed dance, just putting all the movements together and flowing from one to the next," she said.
Jean and Hawk have students practice grips on their own wrists so they understand their physical power before experimenting with a partner.
Another attendee, who requested anonymity for privacy reasons, said learning "baby bear play" was his favorite part of the class because it felt fun and freeing. "I'm not super drawn to competitive wrestling because I'll just hurt myself if I go 100% percent. But it's fun to do it with somebody where you're both on the same page and want to feel this primal engagement," he told Insider.
Play-wrestling helps teach communication and consent, Jean says
Learning to tussle in the bedroom can have relationship benefits, according to Jean.
She said she receives a lot of messages from couples saying the skills they learned in the course helped them improve their connections and communication skills.
Since play-fighting requires an exchange of power, Jean coaches them through discussing boundaries and limits. In all "Wrestling for Lovers" classes, it's a requirement that partners keep open lines of communication throughout, so there's no choice but to assert your needs and desires.
"At the end of the day, you're not just doing this to win, but you're doing it to connect with somebody else," Jean said.