In vitro fertilization increases the odds of pregnancy after 40. However, not every story ends with a baby.

• Egg quantity and quality decrease as women get older, making it more complicated to get pregnant.
• Going through IVF is not a guarantee to have a baby.

Thirty-eight-year-old Brenda Lapchinski was struggling to conceive naturally. Over the course of three years, she and her husband saw six fertility specialists — all of whom told her that pregnancy was 100% impossible.

"We had given up, and we were trying to come to terms with it," Lapchinski told Insider.

Eight months later, a specialist they'd been waitlisted to see had an opening. This time, the doctor greenlighted IVF. The procedure was a success, and Lapchinski gave birth to a healthy baby girl at age 42. Yet her journey was rife with complications — she was in and out of the hospital during her entire pregnancy.

"I almost lost her many times. But we were lucky to have an amazing outcome," she said.

Though Lapchinski's IVF story had a happy ending, not every journey is successful. And for the women whose IVF outcome is not a baby, it can be an emotionally devastating experience.

Even with IVF, the odds of a post-40 pregnancy are low

A woman's age is the single most important predictor of success with IVF, said Dr. Erkan Buyuk, a reproductive endocrinologist at RMA of New York. "Unfortunately, the success rates fall significantly for women over 40 years old," Buyuk said.

That's because as a woman ages, egg quality and quality take a major hit, said Dr. Jenna Turocy, an OB-GYN and fertility specialist at Columbia University Fertility Center. In fact, according to 2019 preliminary data from the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology's national summary report, the live birth rate among women aged 41 to 42 after an IVF cycle is 10%; after the age of 43, it drops to 3%.

For families desperate to have a baby of their own, IVF can be a game changer. But it doesn't always work out.

During an initial fertility evaluation, diagnostic testing is done to examine a woman's ovaries, fallopian tube, and uterus, as well as with her partner's sperm, said Turocy.

"Based on that testing, we can decide what their chances of success would be through IVF either using their own eggs or a donor egg," she said.

Failed IVF can have an emotional toll

Kristin Marquet of Scarsdale, New York described her experience with IVF as "complete hell mentally and emotionally."

Marquet went through three rounds of IVF at ages 39, 40, and 41 that resulted in four viable embryos. But her implantation procedure was unsuccessful, and her doctor recommended a gestational surrogate, a process that's been delayed by COVID.

For people who've exhausted their finances on IVF, pursuing options like surrogacy and adoption may not be possible, said Nicole Witt, executive director of The Adoption Consultancy and host of "Adopting! The Podcast." What's more, a woman often feels like she's to blame when IVF fails, said Witt.

"She feels like she's failed herself, her partner, her family and even that future child in some way. I definitely went through all of those emotions myself. Infertility impacts every aspect of your life," Witt said.

Finding support when IVF doesn't work out

When there isn't a baby to show for it, IVF can be very isolating, said Lana Manikowski of Chicago, Illinois. After undergoing fertility treatments for seven years, from ages 37 to 44, her doctor recommended that she cease treatment. Now forty-seven and with no children, Manikowski said that IVF failure comes with a large component of guilt and shame.

"I was embarrassed to talk about my infertility because I felt like others judged and pitied me. In general, childless women with infertility bear a huge burden. I felt demoralized and alone," Manikowski said.

That's why finding support is so important, said Witt. Being surrounded by other people who've gone through the same thing reminds you that you're not alone and helps you navigate your grief. Witt recommends visiting The National Infertility Association's website for information on infertility support groups and professional counseling resources.