- I have three kids, a 7-year-old and 4-year-old twins.
- I'm constantly being touched or followed by my kids, and it leaves me exhausted.
One of the best things about being a mom is the delicious cuddles and kisses you get from your children. Knowing you're the No. 1 person in your children's lives is an amazing feeling.
But I'm not ashamed to say that sometimes I go and hide in a room away from my family or make up an excuse to go for a walk, just so I can avoid having small people follow me around the house, stroke my hair as we watch television, or climb all over me.
They follow me everywhere
I can't go anywhere in our house without being either accompanied by one of my three children — toilet and shower included — or shouted at from downstairs or another room.
The noise and demands are relentless and exhausting.
I might be cooking dinner while one child needs their bottom wiped, one wants a hug, and the other is looking for a toy they've lost. I find it impossible to concentrate on one thing at a time anymore because there are always so many voices talking at me simultaneously.
Add in children hurting themselves and needing comfort or waking in the night and climbing into bed beside (or on top of) me, and my personal space and body autonomy are nonexistent.
I'm 'touched out'
I had never heard of the term "touched out" before I became a parent, but I soon became familiar with it when I was breastfeeding our firstborn. In one day, the time I would spend with a baby, either feeding from me, sleeping on me, or not wanting to be put down at all, was so much that if my husband tried to hug me or innocently touch me in bed, I would physically recoil.
When we went on to have twins two years later, it became an even greater issue. I was breastfeeding two babies, on top of a discombobulated toddler who needed a lot of extra love and reassurance. Sitting on the sofa alone was — and still is — a rare occurrence. I usually have at least one child on my lap and another by my side, and the chatter and touching that go with that can sometimes feel overwhelming.
As they have grown older — one is 7 and the twins are 4 — I have come to realize that it's possible to love your family more than anything, while feeling a desperate need for some space away from them.
My husband doesn't feel how I do
Sadly, this has extended to my husband, too.
While our children do climb all over him, it's usually in a playful, wrestling way, rather than a snuggly "I need comfort" way. This means he rarely feels touched out, while I have come to associate touch with meeting people's needs.
This means that when it comes to physical contact and intimacy between the two of us, I'm always the one who's less interested. Even just hugging in the kitchen can sometimes feel like too much, let alone anything in the bedroom.
He understands that by the end of the day, I often feel overwhelmed, but I'm sure he feels hurt and rejected sometimes. We've found ways to make things easier, such as date nights and time away from the children, plus small things such as a foot or shoulder rub while we're watching a film.
I feel like being touched out is just another example of what a roller coaster parenthood is. No one tells you about these things before you have children.
I know that in a few years, I'll be desperate for my boys to give me a cuddle or kiss, and I'll be dealing with a whole new set of emotions and concerns.