I'm single and sent holiday cards with a photo of me and my dog. I plan on making it my new yearly tradition.
- Every year I get holiday cards from my friends with partners and children.
- I love getting them, but I think single people should be able to send them too — so I did.
Every year around Thanksgiving, like clockwork, they start coming.
I'm talking about holiday cards — stamped, handwritten, and addressed to me. Two-dimensional versions of the American dream, ready to be displayed on a fridge or mantel until it's considered socially acceptable to throw them out.
These cards feature couples lying on the grass at the local park, smiling wildly for the camera. A woman's newly ring-appointed hand proudly displayed across her fiancé's chest. A newborn baby next to a black felt board with white letters that read "3 months old!" A family in matching nautical stripes during their summer vacation in Nantucket.
There are many variations of The Holiday Card, but I had yet to see one that represented my own stage in life: a single woman.
I realized I could make the holiday card I wanted to see — so I did
It baffled me that I had never seen a single person on a holiday card. I thought about how this lack of representation echoed what our society tells us about single women. Singleness, it seems, is something to stay silent about. It can be filled with shame, and it's something we should be trying to fix. It also made me reflect on my own insecurities around my singlehood.
I love the idea of holiday cards, but I realized a part of me thought I needed to wait until I had a partner or child to send them, and I wondered if I might not be alone in that thinking.
Since 2007, the birth rate has fallen by 28% for people in their 20s in the US, and birth rates for people in their 30s and 40s have also started to decline. If more people are delaying becoming parents in pursuit of education and career goals, I want to see that represented in my holiday-card collection.
In an effort to remind myself and others I was not just a sad single woman in the way of Bridget Jones, I decided to send my own holiday cards, with just me on them.
One weekend in October when my mother was visiting me, I asked her to take a picture of my dog and me in an autumnal alleyway in my neighborhood. I smiled for the camera, thinking of all the friends and family I'd send the card to and wishing them good cheer.
Though I do wish to find partnership and am actively dating — I even dream of having children one day — I don't want to wait until I have a partner or children to participate in what I find to be a lovely holiday tradition. At the end of the day, holiday cards are joyful ways of sending love to our friends and family, and that's a tradition I can get behind.
Making my holiday cards helped me challenge my own beliefs about my singlehood
A part of me felt silly for sending these cards. I feared people may think I was selfish for showcasing my seemingly happy-go-lucky life; after all, I don't yet deal with the financial or mental costs of having children. I also worried about whether people would take my singlehood to mean I didn't have the emotional bandwidth needed to be in a relationship. I felt I might be perceived as unworthy, or as though I were somehow less of a woman without these things.
But I like to challenge my own beliefs. My life is just as rich and complex — and worthy of celebration — as the lives of those who are in relationships and/or have children. What about that doesn't deserve to be on a card?
I made writing my holiday cards a sweet, cozy ritual by lighting a candle, putting on Ella Fitzgerald, and making a cup of hot cocoa. Hearing the responses from friends and family when they received my card has brought me joy and happiness. I plan to continue sending holiday cards year after year — no matter what my relationship status is.