- When my husband and I opened our relationship, we never thought we'd have a live-in partner.
- That changed when we met Ty. We moved in together, along with our two kids, and never looked back.
Imagine a polyamorous person right now. You're probably thinking of a young person who lives with their cats and plants, or maybe an Instagram throuple where every member is super fit and conventionally attractive. But what about an exhausted mom who wears yoga pants and goes to bed before midnight? Well, that's me — and I'm polyamorous.
I've got two kids: D, who's 11, and H, who's 9. I also have two live-in partners. There's Daniel, my legal spouse and the biological father of D and H, and Ty, my unofficial spouse and co-parent. But we are not a throuple; Daniel and Ty do not date each other, and I switch beds between the two.
The beginning of my family's journey with polyamory
Daniel and I opened our marriage in 2016. Our kids were 6 and 3 at the time. We opted to join a local polyamory group that was family-friendly, and we brought our kids to many events to be educated about it and meet other polyamorous families, which helped normalize it for my kids at a young age.
We didn't think we'd ever actually live with another partner, though. I worried that it would be irresponsible for my kids to get attached to other partners who might not end up sticking around. At first, we mostly dated people who were in similar situations to ours, who already had nesting partners — a partner with whom they live — and their own lives to worry about.
But that changed with Ty, who was single when we met. We started dating in 2018, and in 2020 — right before the pandemic — the five of us moved into a new house together. We all had been spending a lot of time together before moving in, but as we all bunkered down at home together during the pandemic, we bonded in a really special way and spent so much time together. Soon, my kids began to think of Ty as a parent, too.
A look at how we make it work
Parenting while polyamorous might seem complicated, but having multiple adults in the house while raising children is actually a dream come true. Someone is always around to watch the kids, and there are plenty of people to do chores, especially since my kids are older. We each have our "specialties" — I like to create meal plans and cook, Ty manages laundry. Daniel does the dishes, D takes out the trash, and H feeds the pets. Oh, and another benefit to multiple adults under one roof? Three incomes.
We aren't a closed group, however. Ty and I both have separate long-distance partners, and Daniel has a girlfriend here in Richmond who doesn't live with us. Since we date separately, there's always someone at home with the kids to maintain a sense of stability. And though there are more schedules to juggle, we've gotten the hang of it over time. I'm a loyal devotee of Google Calendar, into which we enter all of our plans.
When I casually date — which is rare — I am always up-front about family being my priority and my time being limited; and only serious partners get to meet our children. It's not always ideal. I had a pretty bad breakup wherein a girlfriend of mine, who was also a mom, cut off all contact between our families and ignored attempts to reach out.
Our kids were close, and it was rough. So now I'm very, very careful now about who I allow my children to get close to. We're out as polyamorous to our family, but I still get nervous about being open about this aspect of our lives to other parents. Luckily, we do have kind, accepting friends who are parents, and we refuse to be closeted regardless of how people may react.
Though Ty is not a biological parent of my children, he will legally get guardianship and all my assets in the unlikely event that something happens to me and Daniel. He has also sworn to be there for my kids even if we break up, but so far, that seems unlikely; we are really happy, and what we're doing works for us. I love being a polyamorous parent and I never want to go back — and my kids love having multiple parents around, too.