- I'm friends with two of my ex-husband's exes.
- It may seem unusual, but we talk about much more than our relationships with him.
When I got the text, I wasn't sure what to make of it. "I need to talk to you. Can we meet for coffee?" It was my ex-husband's live-in girlfriend, Michelle. We had never exchanged texts for anything other than my children's schedule. What was this about? Should I be suspicious?
I was definitely curious, but also afraid it was some kind of trap. I mean, my ex is my ex for a reason. After getting some guidance from my boyfriend and my sisters, I decided to take her up on the invitation.
We met at a coffee shop a few days later. She paid for my coffee which I thought was interesting but I vowed to stay cool, calm, and detached for the duration of our talk.
She told me she was leaving him
She started by saying tactfully that, as I must know, my ex was "difficult to live with" before taking a pause, and I thought, "That's a nice way of putting it!" She went on to tell me how their relationship had been and then a real kicker — she was leaving. The last detail was a real blow, and I was stunned; As far as I knew, things were totally fine at their house.
After that first coffee, Michelle and I texted regularly. We met for coffee again and again. I'd had three kids with my ex and there was a lot to talk about. When she was finally out of the house with her own two children with him, and had found her own home, we vowed to do what we could to keep our kids — who were, after all, half-siblings — in touch. We started weekly pizza nights at her townhouse, as it was bigger than my apartment and could accommodate us all.
Michelle and I commiserated regularly over the similarities in our relationships with him, but as we grew closer, we formed a bond over other things, as well. We also talked about parenthood and food. Michelle is a trained chef and often cooked for us, as well.
Soon, another woman reached out to us
Then one day, about four months after Michelle and I started talking, she called me and said: "A weird thing happened. I got a Facebook message from a woman named Meggan. She's currently dating our shared ex and she wants to talk to both of us." So, we invited her over to Michelle's one day when neither of us had our kids, so just the grownups could talk.
Meggan was a bit more nervous than Michelle or I was, and she talked about her relationship with our ex with a lot of emotion. Meggan, too, was ending things.
The three of us became close friends
The three of us started a group text, and Meggan started coming to our weekly pizza dinners with the kids. Meggan had a daughter of her own from a previous relationship that the children were now familiar with, and they all played together while we talked. We began referring to our little meetups as "family dinners," and celebrated all the kids' birthdays together.
Michelle, Meggan, and I continue to keep in touch. I was at Michelle's wedding when she married her beau, Tom, in 2019. When Meggan needed a new place to live, I encouraged her to come to the neighborhood where I lived, so she and her daughter moved into the building next door. We met regularly at the park with loads of food in tow.
We have now been in each other's lives for nine years. Both Michelle and Meggan, with their children, will be coming to my daughter's fourteenth birthday party in two weeks. It has been a real blessing to be such close friends with them, and I am so grateful to have expanded my family, especially since I live far from my own family.