Science- I started my gender transition in 2020, and my girlfriend, Lucy, was by my side the whole time.
- Through our open relationship and honest conversations, I realized I was attracted to men, too.
I was toying with bisexuality in 2016 — long before my gender transition. I'd lived as a man and experimented with men, but I found each experience draining and uncertain. Even through the brain fog of undiagnosed gender dysphoria, it was clear I was uncomfortable with the full range of my sexuality.
It wasn't until I transitioned into a woman in 2020 that I finally explored all sides of my sexuality. Luckily, I got to do it within a nonmonogamous relationship alongside my supportive partner, Lucy.
As I transitioned, I had honest conversations with my girlfriend
I didn't witness the dark comedy that characterized much of my young-adult life alone. When I transitioned in 2020, I was two years into a relationship with my cisgender girlfriend, Lucy.
From the onset we had an open relationship. We didn't want to limit each other's sexual horizons during our 20s, but we still liked each other enough to form a relationship. We're firmly committed to each other, but casual sex and light dating with other people have always been allowed — we leave room for exploration and experiences that can't be found inside the relationship.
But when I transitioned, I noticed a shift in who I was seeking outside of Lucy. Since communication was an important part of our open relationship, Lucy and I had long conversations about the progress of my transition and dating. Gradually, the topic of my sexuality came up. I couldn't avoid it; gender and sexuality are so interconnected.
During those conversations, I realized I had an interest in men, too.
After transitioning, I had my first crush on a man
I've always been ardently attracted to women, so we were surprised when I maintained an attraction to a man for several weeks. He was an older gentleman with remarkable skills in designing custom Lego projects.
Irresistible, I know.
I was completely taken by the deftness he showed in his special interest. His steady and polite demeanor soothed my nerves. He was really handsome, too. I never pursued anything because he's a committed family man, but the thought of him stuck with me.
I couldn't conceal the feelings welling in me, and Lucy could only grin at my predicament. She'd long been familiar with what I was grappling with.
One crush turned into two, then three. Some of them persisted, but they typically involved gushing happily about how great it was just to talk to him. My love of just chatting with them indicated these interests weren't superficial; I was interested in men and in dating them.
Lucy found this terribly amusing. She ribbed me relentlessly about the delayed adolescence I was going through and about my girlish excitement at these new feelings. I bashfully recounted an encounter with a man I was into. There was no need to prod me for details, since I was happy to spill everything. She'd poke fun at me like a cherished best friend and then calmly explain what I felt and why I felt it. This kind of open and reflective exploration of my sexuality was possible through our ethically nonmonogamous relationship.
Now, 3 years later, I'm more open about my sexuality
Men are now on my radar as a dating option — something that would be unimaginable without honest reflection and long conversations with my girlfriend.
I feel like I've calmed the uncertainty of my sexuality that's swarmed me my whole life. I couldn't find peace with others until I learned to care for my gendered self via transition.
Progress was gradual, but the version of me who emerged is surer than ever of who she is and who she wants to be with. Rather than viewing my romantic engagements with uncertainty, I look to the future with wonderment.
My relationship with Lucy is still open, and we'll keep it that way. This open relationship isn't just a means to an end; it's a monument to the effort and trust we've accumulated, brick by brick, over the years.
Every relationship is shaped differently, and we all deserve a comfortable one that we can use to grow as people. Mine taught me about sexuality without sacrificing the comforts of commitment.