- Growing up in a big family meant I had a lot of responsibility as a young adult until I moved away.
- I'm a teacher who loves children but I realized enjoying them isn't a good reason for having them.
The refrigerator in my kitchen is covered with my kids' pictures. There are stick figures in various colors with a yellow scribble of a sun in the top right corner. There are princesses torn from coloring books, the lines neatly colored in.
Since May, graduation announcements have joined the party. In the room of my home where I teach violin lessons, I keep a cabinet full of games for my kids to play during their lessons and a treasure box of trinkets they can choose from when they accomplish a goal.
A visitor to my house might be surprised to know that no children actually live there. Like most teachers, I call my students, "my kids." I don't have children of my own and I don't plan to.
I love children but I don't need to have my own
I knew from a young age I wanted to work with children. I've always liked them, and they've always liked me. Their unfiltered observations about the world are refreshing and often hilarious. Young children smile at me in restaurants and in grocery stores, and I love waving or making silly faces back.
As a private violin teacher, I'm privileged to work with the same students for many years instead of saying goodbye to a class at the end of each year. Watching my students grow, both as musicians and as people, is the single most rewarding part of my life.
But simply enjoying children isn't a good reason to have your own. No one would ever ask someone who loves horses why they don't keep one in their backyard.
Being child-free brings me freedom and makes me a better teacher
I grew up in a big family. I squeezed in homework and music practice around the hours I spent scrubbing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, and folding laundry. At eighteen, I moved across the country from my hometown to study music in college.
I remember the feeling I had the first time I left my empty plate in the dining hall, then headed to the music building to practice instead of spending the next two hours cleaning the kitchen. The relief and sense of freedom I felt then still resonates today. In order to be happy, I've learned that I need time and energy to focus on my own goals and hobbies.
Part of teaching is assigning my students reasonable goals. I wouldn't expect a student to learn an entire professional level piece of music in a week. In the same way, I've chosen to set reasonable goals for my own life. While there are some amazing teachers out there who are also wonderful parents, I don't think I personally could be as dedicated or as effective a teacher if I also had to spend every minute outside the classroom caring for children.
Despite my choice, I have deep respect for parents
When the last student of the day leaves, I practice my own instrument. I watch movies, stay out late with friends, and read. I know that my life is full without having my own children, even if not everyone understands my choice.
I've noticed that adults my age who want children but haven't had them yet discuss their desire for a family in general terms. They talk about the joy of experiencing the world through fresh eyes or of wanting to create someone who is half them, half their partner. But when people say they don't want kids, they speak in specifics. They mention their desire for travel, their need for sleep, or how expensive raising a child is. I've always tended to think in specifics.
My choice to not have children doesn't mean that I think any less of those who do. I'm grateful to work with some truly amazing parents — parents who are selfless, patient, and work tirelessly to make sure their kids have the best opportunities available. I have enormous respect for everyone who chooses to be a parent.
In fact, I'm in awe of teachers and childcare workers who are also parents. Together, we are working towards the same goal: helping the next generation grow into healthy, happy, independent adults in the best way each of us know how.