I'm a straight woman, but I've enjoyed gay and bisexual porn lately. Does that make me gay?
- When it comes to sexual preferences, society tends to stereotype people who look a certain way or enjoy certain sex acts.
- But your sexuality and the types of sex acts you enjoy watching or doing aren't related, according to therapist Rachel Wright.
- In some cases, people are drawn to certain types of porn because of the fantasy aspect, or the types of sex acts the videos depicts, rather than the gender of the people in the videos.
- If you're unsure how you feel about your sexuality in relation to your porn preferences, you should research the sex acts you're drawn to and reflect on why that is.
- Have a question for Julia? Fill out this anonymous form. All questions will be published anonymously. You can read more Doing It Right here.
I identify as a straight female. I enjoy watching porn when I masturbate, and have found myself enjoying a lot of gay and bisexual porn lately. Does that make me gay?
- South Africa
Dear South Africa,
We live in a world where nearly everything, from our clothing choices to how we speak, is presumed to offer clues into our sexualities. So it's no surprise to me that you're wondering if your porn preferences are a clue into your sexual orientation. In fact, you aren't the first person to ask me this question, and I'm sure you won't be the last.
Simply put, your favorite genre of porn doesn't mean anything about who you're sexually attracted to, the same way your favorite clothes, TV shows, and books don't automatically put you into a "gay" or "straight" box.
According to New York City-based therapist Rachel Wright, the types of entertainment and physical acts that you find sexually pleasurable are unrelated to your sexuality, but some people assume they're related because of the tendency to stereotype.
Wright used the example of anal play during partnered sex, which is often associated with gay men despite the fact plenty of straight women and men enjoy anal play.
But associating anal play with male same-sex attraction is "the box that many people's brains have put it in. And then the assumption is, 'OK, if I enter that box, then all of the qualifications of that box must be true,'" Wright said. "It doesn't mean anything besides you like [anal play]."
She said the same thinking could be applied to people's porn preferences. If a woman enjoys watching gang-bang porn, for example, it doesn't always mean she wants to participate in a gang bang in real life.
"Nothing that you do makes you anything," Wright said.
Perhaps you enjoy watching gay or bisexual porn because you like to fantasize the types of sex acts that are depicted, and that's completely fine. It's also OK to feel like you want to explore the things you see on screen in your own life.
If you're unsure, Wright suggested doing a bit of research on the sex acts you find most appealing.
"The way that I like to look at that is, if you see a movie that's set in Italy and you're like, 'Oh, I want to visit there,' you would probably start doing research about Italy. You wouldn't just go off of what the movie told you Italy looks like, so it's the same function [with porn]," Wright said.
She suggested using the internet to look up the definitions of the sex acts that intrigue you, and exploring how different pornographic films depict the act. You should also ask yourself what you specifically liked about what you saw, and what you didn't enjoy while watching.
Taking the time to explore your sexual preferences from a place of curiosity, rather than feeling shameful because you may not fit into a societally-constructed box, will help you have a more fulfilling sex life because you'll learn what you truly enjoy.
As Insider's resident sex and relationships reporter, Julia Naftulin is here to answer all of your questions about dating, love, and doing it — no question is too weird or taboo. Julia regularly consults a panel of health experts including relationship therapists, gynecologists, and urologists to get science-backed answers to your burning questions, with a personal twist.
Have a question? Fill out this anonymous form. All questions will be published anonymously.