I'm a psychotherapist and author of a book about online dangers. Here's why I skip the back-to-school photos, and why you should too.
- Lena Derhally is a psychotherapist and social-media expert.
- She says back-to-school photos can pose hidden dangers.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Lena Derhally. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I'm a mom of school-age children. This time of year, I see many of their friends' parents posting back-to-school photos with cute facts and smiling faces. It's adorable, but it's not something I would ever do.
That's because, in addition to being a mom, I'm a psychotherapist, social-media expert, and true-crime author. When I see those photos, I look past the kids and see the dangers lurking behind them.
Here's why I don't post back-to-school photos of my kids, and why you might want to think twice before you do.
Photos can provide information for identity theft
In 2020, identity theft affected nearly half of Americans. That may be the last thing on your mind as you're hurrying the kids out the door on the first day. But the information that we share online makes our children easy targets for thieves.
All a thief needs to start stealing an identity is a child's full name, date of birth, and address. They can easily find the first two on social-media profiles that include birthday announcements and other milestones.
While most of us wouldn't post our addresses online, we're likely to give hints: showing our mailbox or house number in a photo, showing our child's school's name, or even leaving on geotags and location services that reveal where we are. Even a picture with a specific school uniform can help people figure out where you live.
Online predators are another major concern
It seems far-fetched that back-to-school photos could be fodder for predators. But law enforcement warns us that investigators have found these photos on sex offenders' devices.
In addition, the information that you provide can help potential predators groom your child. Unfortunately, most sexual assaults involve a perpetrator that the victim knows. None of us want to think we have potential offenders in our social-media followings, but the uncomfortable reality is that many of us do. When we share info like a child's favorite color, dreams, and aspirations, you give predators tools to build rapport with your child.
Here's how to share, safely
Back-to-school photos bring a lot of joy. For many parents, that joy might outweigh what they see as a small risk. Still, I urge people to mitigate their risks. Of course, nothing online is ever 100% safe or in your control, but following these tips can help:
Think about who you're sharing with. There's a big difference between posting pictures of your kids in a closed family group with 20 members and your whole Facebook following that includes thousands of people you barely know in real life.
Keep the details minimal. Stick to your child's first name, and never include their teachers' or schools' names.
Check the background. Make sure your school, home address, and other identifying details aren't visible.
Ask consent. If your child is 4 or older, ask them before posting. If they have any hesitation, don't post it.
Ultimately, we need to have the best interest of our kids at heart. This is about respecting their autonomy and their right to privacy and allowing them to decide — when they're old enough — what type of digital footprint they want.
Lena Derhally is the author of "The Facebook Narcissist." Follow her on Instagram.