Science- I help people get rid of things they don't need or want anymore.
- Many struggle with guilt when it comes to getting rid of stuff.
There are a million reasons to hold on to your possessions. You use them, you love them, you think they're cool. As a professional decluttering consultant, I'll never tell you to get rid of something you want to keep.
I will, however, ask you questions, particularly when you're holding a sweater with a pained look on your face and saying, "Well, I've never actually worn it, but my sister-in-law gave it to me for Christmas three years ago."
We are keeping things out of guilt
An awful lot of us are keeping things we don't use, want, or even like out of a misplaced sense of obligation. Often, as in the sweater example, it's because the item was a gift. It feels impolite, at best, to send those presents off to Goodwill, unused and seemingly unappreciated.
But let's turn the tables: How many gifts have you given over the course of your life? Do you expect every recipient to keep every one of those gifts until the end of time? I'm guessing not.
Moreover, do you even remember most of those presents? Because it's pretty likely your sister-in-law doesn't even recall what she gave you in December 2019, right before the world went dark.
Let's give our loved ones the benefit of the doubt and assume they're putting thought and care into selecting things for us but don't expect we'll adore those things forever, especially if they don't fit well.
And honestly, even if your relatives suffer hurt feelings because you don't treasure their additions to your wardrobe, that's no reason to keep them. You're a grown-up, and one of the pleasures of being a grown-up is choosing your own clothing.
Guilt manifests in other ways when it comes to our belongings
Let's say you spent an eye-watering amount of money on a pair of fabulous boots, only to find that they're permanently uncomfortable.
You can't quite let them go because you spent so much money on them. You're never going to wear those boots, and the cash is long gone. Keeping them is just punishing yourself for what you may deem a poor decision.
Give yourself a break — there's hardly a person alive who hasn't regretted a purchase. Get rid of the boots and move on; self-flagellation isn't a good look.
Many people I work with are confronting the death or downsizing of their parents. They're suddenly responsible for finding homes for the family heirlooms, which can encompass everything from wedding china and photo albums to collections of tchotchkes. This can be an emotional minefield.
You are not only confronted with letting go of your childhood but also now in charge of the things your parents spent years collecting and caring for. Giving away items that were important to the people you love often feels disloyal, if not downright irresponsible.
And then there's the sense that you should be preserving the past for posterity. Should you be holding on to your grandmother's wedding dress and your great-uncle's pipe collection? After all, your mother kept them for all these years.
But it's valid to wonder whether future generations are going to want this stuff any more than you do.
Guilt can lead you to fill your garage or basement with boxes of someone else's possessions on top of all your own stuff that you can't bear to part with. And the more you struggle with feeling that you should keep it, the harder it is to throw any of it away.
Here's the one rule I think we should all live by when it comes to decluttering: If looking at that object makes you feel bad, get rid of it. Life is too short. You deserve to be surrounded by things that make you happy.