- I worked with a boudoir photographer to add plus-size representation to his online portfolio.
- I was nervous about how the photo shoot would turn out because I had never modeled before.
While arranging her boudoir photo shoot, my partner put me in touch with a photographer looking to add some plus-size representation to his portfolio.
As a plus-size person, I was apprehensive about taking my clothes off in front of a camera — even though the photos were meant to be tasteful. Eventually, I agreed.
My inexperience made me nervous in the lead-up to the shoot, but the photos turned out so well that they had some unforeseen effects on my self-confidence.
I linked up with a boudoir photographer who was frustrated at the lack of diverse body types among his client base
In April, my partner, Summer, connected online with a boudoir photographer. While arranging her shoot, Summer talked to the photographer about his experience working with different body types. Clint, the photographer, expressed frustration at the lack of diverse body types among his clients, citing the many messages he'd received from curvier women who wished they had the confidence to book him for a shoot. He'd wanted to reassure them but had no photographs of plus-sized clients to show what they could expect.
Summer put the two of us in touch. I'm not a model, but I am plus-size. Since Summer already made the arrangements for her shoot, she said it would be easy for me to tag along.
I was unsure at first, but Clint and I made a deal where he would photograph me for free, and I gave him permission to use the resulting pictures on social media — a win for both of us.
I wasn't quite sure what to expect in the lead-up to the photo shoot
Like most fat people, I have a complicated relationship with my body. It doesn't matter how much I reassure people that I'm healthy, active, and eat well because society simply does not take kindly to bigger bodies. Loving yourself is hard enough, but it can be damn near impossible when others treat you as a public spectacle.
Before the photo shoot, I finally reached the point of body neutrality. I didn't love my big tummy or chubby arms, but I accepted there was nothing fundamentally wrong with how I looked. It was a first step toward body positivity, but I wasn't there yet. So it felt a bit like jumping off the deep end to volunteer and be the subject of a boudoir shoot — where so much of my body would be on display.
As I said: I'm not a model. Nor do I tend to take particularly revealing photographs of myself — let alone post them on social media. Clint had been respectful of my boundaries in the lead-up to the shoot, but I still wasn't quite sure what to expect. What if I hated the photos? What if they undid the hard work I had already put into accepting myself and how I looked?
The photo shoot was surprisingly comfortable
As it turned out, I had nothing to worry about. In preparation for the photo shoot, Clint asked me about what parts of my body I liked the most so that he could focus on them. He also gave me the space to voice insecurities so he could avoid highlighting certain areas in the photographs.
I thought I'd feel more awkward come shoot day, but with Clint's professionalism and Summer's support, I soon relaxed into the process. I didn't feel rushed, and there was plenty of time to try poses, adjust the lighting, and give feedback on what had already been taken. Clint encouraged me to showcase my personality through the pictures, so I wore my favorite sparkly dress and posed with confidence.
I was surprised that the photos helped me feel confident
I didn't expect how profoundly the final photographs would affect me. I suddenly knew what my partner and friends meant when they called me pretty or commented on how lovely my curves were. When I looked at the edited pictures Clint sent, I saw a beautiful woman with an hourglass figure.
I know that taking part in the boudoir photo shoot wouldn't fix my relationship with my body and that I still have plenty more work to do on loving and accepting how I look. But in the weeks following, I bought two new shirts that show off my cleavage. What had I been hiding from the world for? For now, at least, my newfound self-confidence is through the roof.