I'm a pediatrician and a mom of 2. Here are 5 things I want parents to know if their kids receive a scary diagnosis.

• Dr. Kelly Fradin is the author of a book on parenting kids in difficult situations.
• She's a Harvard-educated pediatrician and a mom of two.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Dr. Kelly Fradin, a pediatrician who wrote the book "Advanced Parenting: Advice for Helping Kids Through Diagnoses, Differences, and Mental Health Challenges," set to be released on April 11. This essay has been edited for length and clarity.

After surviving childhood cancer, I knew I wanted to be a doctor. Through my work as a pediatrician I encountered many families dealing with challenges from mental illnesses to learning differences to physical ailments. I started thinking of the moms and dads of these children as doing "advanced parenting." While all parenting is hard, these families have extra challenges.

But when you look at the bookshelves, a lot of parenting advice is for the same milestones: getting your infant to sleep, potty training your toddler, getting your teen to communicate. That leaves a big hole for parents looking for specific skills to navigate the unexpected.

I saw time and again that parents who'd been through one advanced-parenting situation were better prepared when the next challenge arose. I started talking with parents to learn which skills and resources helped them. I compiled those in my book, which comes out this spring.

Families in tough situations shouldn't have to live and learn. Here are five tips from parents and professionals who've been through advanced parenting to help you navigate the difficult times.

Be confident

As a parent, you're the expert on your child. In our health and educational systems, a power dynamic gives professionals the upper hand. But you know what's best for your child and your family. Don't be intimidated by the people around you.

Focus on the big picture

When you're dealing with a new diagnosis or an unexpected development in your family, it's easy to get overwhelmed by the details. Instead, try to focus on the big picture and the long term. How will this development affect your child and your family's values? Thinking about that will help you decide how to allocate your resources.

Say no

It's OK to say no. You don't have to try every recommended solution, therapy, or treatment right away. When we're having a tough time, it's easy for the wheels of family life to stop turning while we focus entirely on fixing the problem. But it's important to leave time for kids to be kids.

Acknowledge the negative feelings

Parenting in a situation you didn't anticipate can bring up grief, frustration, and other negative emotions. But parents often bury those, afraid that acknowledging their negative feelings takes away from the love they have for their children.

I'm here to tell you that's not the case. It's OK to have negative emotions when things aren't going how you envisioned. Venting those feelings to a therapist, friend, or partner is important. Tell them you don't need solutions — you just need to voice your emotions.

Take care of yourself

When you're focused on your child, it's easy to put your health and well-being on the back burner. If you're unwell, you're less able to cope with the trauma of advanced parenting. If you're caring for yourself, you'll be able to parent more effectively and be the advocate your child needs.

Follow Dr. Kelly Fradin on Instagram at @adviceigivemyfriends and preorder her book on her website.