I'm a matchmaker and intimacy coach. Here are 6 ways moms can keep the spice in their lives.

• Spicy Mari is a relationship counselor who founded The Spicy Life.
• She says that getting passionate with yourself can foster passion in your relationship.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Mari Wauja, known as Spicy Mari. It has been edited for length and clarity.

When I was little, I wanted my single mom to have a partner. So I would walk up to men, pitching myself and my mom as an awesome package. My mom got lots of dates, and I got the chance to find my passion: helping people find and maintain love.

I loved the emotional excitement of matchmaking. But I also wanted an in-depth understanding of communication and relationships, so I went to college, got my master's degree, and did ongoing education with science-based counseling organizations like the Gottman Institute.

I founded The Spicy Life to teach people about love, relationships, and connection. At the same time, I met my husband. Today, our son is a toddler. While I know the challenges of keeping love alive while parenting, I also know the rewards. Giving my son an amazing father and demonstrating a healthy relationship for him is one of my greatest accomplishments.

My program is based on the acronym SPICY. It stands for self (knowing who you are and what motivates you), passion (knowing what you enjoy in life), intimacy (building deep connections with others and yourself), communication, and yes (ditching limiting beliefs and learning to say yes).

Keeping SPICY amid marriage, partnership, and parenting can be tricky, but it's entirely possible. Here are six tips for staying SPICY.

Use affirmations

I begin each day by reading a list of 20 affirmations. As moms and partners, we often feel like we're not doing enough. We can feel like imposters and seek validation. By using affirmations, we can give ourselves that affirmation rather than waiting for other people, like our partners or kids, to build us up.

To write affirmations, think about the areas where you feel insecure, then flip what you're telling yourself. For example, if you're feeling out of touch with your body and want to get to the gym more, your affirmation might be "I get stronger every day I work out." This changes a negative narrative into a positive one.

Put love on your to-do list

Moms are busy. After having my son, I dove back into work because that's where I felt validated. With my career and parenting, it was easy to forget about my partner and our relationship needs.

So I put love on the calendar — literally. We schedule a time to check in with each other for a few minutes each day. I might ask my partner, "How can I show up for you?" And yes, we schedule sex too.

Whether it's a spiritual connection, an emotional check-in, or making love, we're dedicating time to each other.

Try a new hobby

Learning new things is healthy and engaging. It also makes you more attractive to your partner. When you're constantly growing and learning, you bring new things home to discuss with your love. That can break the cycle of monotony that many new parents fall into.

Trying a new hobby — which may or may not lead to finding your passion — is fun for you, and your relationship will reap the benefits too.

Indulge with a sex toy

While partnered sex is great, it's also important to intimately connect with yourself. Masturbating with your favorite toy lets you experience intimacy in a way that's not tied to anyone else's satisfaction or enjoyment. There's no pressure to perform. It offers a release that is yours and yours alone.

Have a mommy-mastermind group

New motherhood can be isolating. I fight this with my mommy-mastermind group. I meet with women who have similar hopes, dreams, and aspirations as I do. We talk about goals and hold ourselves accountable. It's a great reminder that we can step away from the demands of motherhood and connect with the other things that make us tick.

Find an hour for self-care

Over the course of a week, challenge yourself to find an hour for self-care. That's not so much time that it's overwhelming, but it's enough to make a big difference.

Whether it's getting a massage or taking a walk alone, this should be a time that's just for you. Time is our most valuable asset, and some of that value needs to be directed at you.

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