I'm a college sex educator. Here's what all students should know about sex before move-in day.

• I've taught sex ed to college students for a decade and noticed a lot of freshmen are unprepared.
• Many college students feel as if they have to have sex — but it's OK to wait.

If you're heading off to college this fall, you probably have a lot on your mind. You might be wondering: What if I get lost? How will I make friends? What if I can't manage the classes? Going to college is a major life change in more ways than one, and it can be pretty overwhelming.

It's also a time to explore your sexuality, which can be scary and confusing for some students.

I'm a sex educator who has spent the past decade teaching sex ed to college students across the US. No matter where or what I'm teaching, there are certain things that nearly every student wonders about. So, consider this your welcome-to-campus sex-ed guide. Here's everything you need to know about sex before moving into your dorms.

Having sex is normal — and so is not having sex

When you go off to college, it might seem as if everyone is "doing it." The reality is that everyone has their own timeline. In fact, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's 2021 Youth Risk Behavior Survey found that 48.4% of high-school seniors had reported ever having penis-in-vagina intercourse — and that percentage has been going down since 1991.

If you want to have sex and you feel ready, that's great. But if you aren't ready or want to wait, that's great, too. The only person who can decide when you're ready for sex is you.

Your college probably offers free condoms

Most college campuses have a variety of sexual-health services on campus, so take advantage of what is available.

Your RAs might provide free condoms, the health center may offer free STI testing, and you may even find an emergency contraception vending machine on campus. Some campus health centers are also able to write prescriptions for birth control, PrEP, gender-affirming medications, and STI treatments.

If your campus doesn't offer basic sexual-health services, then look at what's available in the surrounding community. Health departments, mobile STI testing buses, LGBTQ+ health centers, and Planned Parenthood facilities can supplement what your campus offers.

Caring for your sexual health is important, so take the time to learn about what resources are available both on and off campus.

Talking about boundaries and desires doesn't kill the mood

My students ask me highly specific questions all the time, but my answers often boil down to one key thing: If you're planning to have sex, you have to talk about it.

Talking about what we want (and what we don't want) doesn't kill the mood. In fact, it usually helps set the mood. Rather than wading in uncertain waters, hoping you know what to do, talk to your partners about what you'd like to try, how things are feeling, and what your boundaries are.

But here's the thing: Sex talk isn't just for the bedroom.

That conversation shouldn't happen for the first time when you're naked and moments away from having sex. Instead, set up some time to chat — fully clothed — about boundaries, communication, desires, and sexual health.

Why? If we talk about sex only right before we do it, people might feel pressured to say yes to things they're uncertain about. They may also be too vulnerable or embarrassed to say they need time to think. By laying the groundwork outside the bedroom, we create space for high-quality, compassionate experiences — and more satisfying sex.

Be curious about yourself and your partners

Growing up, most of us were given one pretty basic script about sex — and it almost always ends with penetration.

The truth is, there's a lot more to sex than just "rounding the bases" and going "all the way," and most people with vaginas can't even reach orgasm from penetration alone. Sticking to the script we were given may not lead us to fulfilling and pleasurable sexual experiences.

So, be curious. Do you think you should do this new thing because it's the "next step" or because you actually want to try it? Are you feeling pressured by movies, TV, social media, or porn to do certain things during sex — or do those things authentically turn you on?

I'll be honest: You usually won't have an easy answer to any of those questions. That doesn't mean they're not worth asking, though. Take the time to be authentically curious about what you and your partners want.

Instead of assuming, make it a point to ask follow-up questions. Remember that you're allowed to change your opinion, adjust your boundaries, and say "I was wrong about this thing."

When it comes to sex, you'll always be learning more about yourself and the world around you — and that requires compassion, curiosity, and patience. So give yourself plenty of time to figure it out.