If your friend is constantly negative and draining your energy, they could be an 'energy vampire'

• The relationship with one of my closest friends changed in high school and became one sided.
• I realized I was dealing with an energy vampire, a type of person who is emotionally draining.

One of my oldest friendships started before we could make full sentences. Around the age of 9, I remember lying on her bed with our hair hanging over the side while we listened to the soundtrack to "Romeo and Juliet" on a loop. It could have been the blood rushing to our heads, but our conversations felt seamless, almost like we were twin souls.

It was like this until high school when her playful jabs started to sound more like insults, and our conversations became one-sided venting sessions with her rehashing the same problems. Our get-togethers were cut short when she would become moody and sullen without warning.

The friend I could talk to endlessly became someone I needed to walk on eggshells with and limit our topics of conversation. I felt drained yet guilty for wanting to cut off our communication.

This personality type is known as an "energy vampire." Energy vampires are people you find emotionally draining and difficult to engage with, Minaa B, a relationship expert, told Business Insider. These vampires sap your energy with incessant demands, gossip, and complaints.

When you're around someone who thrives on negativity, being a friendly ear can be as much your superpower as your downfall. BI spoke to relationship experts about how to recognize an energy vampire, what makes some people more vulnerable to their behavior, and how to keep them from consuming your energy.

Recognizing the signs of an energy vampire

Being talkative or self-absorbed doesn't make someone an energy vampire. Instead, it's their continual negativity and pessimism that depletes your energy.

For an energy vampire, "something is always going wrong," Minaa said. They refuse to see the positive side of a situation and reject any attempts to move forward.

Another sign of vampirish behavior is emotional dumping or unhealthy venting. They will dump their grievances on you and try to make you feel guilty for wanting to stay out of their drama.

"Conversations with an energy vampire often feel imbalanced," Elizabeth Harvey Abrams, a licensed mental health counselor based in New Mexico, told BI. "The person barrages you with their opinions, negative emotions, or needs, and does not allow space for you to express yourself or have needs."

Forget trying to tell an energy vampire something about your life. They will flip the conversation, insert their own story, and even expect you to support them, Minaa said.

Empaths like me are especially vulnerable to energy vampires

Energy vampires are "drawn to people who are kind, empathetic, and most importantly, have very poor boundaries," Minaa said. A frequent target of theirs is individuals who neglect their own needs and frequently make themselves available to listen and help others.

Such people-pleasing behaviors can inadvertently enable an energy vampire's behavior. When empaths engage in people-pleasing, it's usually because they have a desire to connect with others on a deep emotional level as opposed to being driven by a fear of being rejected or letting others down.

Empaths are "highly attuned to the feelings and emotions of those around them," Reena B. Patel, an educational psychologist, board-certified behavior analyst, and author of "Winnie & Her Worries," told BI. They can relate to another person's experience as if it happened to them.

The downside of being compassionate is carrying other people's emotions and trying to "fix people or help them heal," Minaa said. Energy vampires learn quickly who to bring their problems to without facing pushback. No matter how much you try to help, it's never enough for an energy vampire, Patel said.

Conserving your energy with clear boundaries

"Empaths have a greater need to protect their energy than the average person and can easily get sucked in by the demanding, needy, or guilt-inducing behavior of an energy vampire," Abrams said. Her advice is to limit your interactions with energy vampires to the extent possible.

Setting boundaries can look like physically removing yourself from the space, moving the interaction online, or "ending the conversation efficiently with a polite but firm tone," Abrams said. "A boundary could mean a temporary or permanent break in contact if the interactions are negatively impacting you."

Managing expectations is also helpful. "Let the energy vampires in your life know what timeframe you have from the start," Patel said. Practice saying no and ask someone you trust to keep you accountable.

Knowing when to disengage is key. If someone calls you out of the blue and starts unloading their feelings, Minaa suggested telling them that, while you empathize with their situation, this isn't a good time for you to have this conversation. You can offer to return their call when you're in the right headspace to hear their concerns.

When a conversation is going in circles, you can change the subject or tell them you don't have solutions or insights. Nonverbal cues can help, such as cutting off eye contact, leaning away, using your hand to signal that you're putting a stop to the interaction, or choosing not to respond if they continue to text or call you.

"We all experience challenging times and negative emotions," Abrams said. In other words, no one is immune to displaying vampirish tendencies.

My childhood friend wasn't alone in fueling her negativity. As an empath, I tried to soothe my guilt by maintaining our unhealthy dynamic. Right now, as scary as it seems, a break is what's best for both of us.

Nandini Maharaj is a freelance writer covering health, wellness, identity, and relationships. She holds a master's degree in counseling and a doctorate in public health.