- I attended singles events in London last year, but I wasn't impressed by the dating pool.
- I ended up befriending a group of great women I met at them.
In October, Bumble launched singles events in cities such as London, New York, and Chicago. I attended most of them in London.
Did I meet my future husband? No. Did I kiss a guy at the end of the night? Yes — but I ended up never seeing him again.
What was remarkable about these events was that they were full of extraordinary, successful women — lawyers, engineers, doctors, you name it. The men, in my opinion, were less impressive. I ended up befriending these impressive women instead of finding someone to date.
We realized the people we're looking for aren't on dating apps
We made group chats and sent each other long voice notes, moaning about every time a guy asked us out for a coffee date. It was true camaraderie. We came to the realization that the people we're looking to date aren't on a dating app.
Men I've had a crush on have told me they've never used a dating app in their life. They're well-groomed, successful men who travel and do fun things with their time, like skiing or skydiving, rather than mindlessly swiping on an app.
Recently, a self proclaimed dating coach on Instagram said women often asked her how to meet high-value men. "The easiest way is to become high-value yourself — to become a woman who's an asset, who's a value," she said. "Because then what happens is this: These men see you and they select you. They find you, and they approach, and you don't have to do anything."
It made sense. I mean, look at Harry and Meghan: According to the new Netflix documentary, Meghan was insistent on living her single-girl summer and traveling the world when Harry, perhaps the most eligible bachelor, spotted her in a friend's Snapchat and asked to meet her.
My new friends and I made a pact
So my girlfriends and I made a pact. We decided we'd stop looking for a man and do fun things with our life. Bachata dance class? Sign me up. Silent disco? Let's go. Archery? Yes, please.
It seems like the end of dating apps for me. They had their peak, and now they're not useful anymore.
A lot of my friends have deleted the apps and don't mind being single anymore as long as they don't have to deal with low-value coffee or walk dates. I and the women I befriended now spot good-looking, successful guys in meditation classes rather than at singles events.
"If this is the dating pool on these apps, I'm out," I declared outside the bar in Notting Hill after the last singles event of 2022, walking to the station arm in arm with two girlfriends I'd met at the event. I had gone on 35 dates from dating apps in the past year. I was done.
As the saying goes, if you want a different result, you have to make a different choice. My new choice doesn't deplete my energy like dating apps did. I'm making meaningful friendships with powerful women.
Will I be single in 2023? Who knows. But I for sure will be happier.
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