- Chastity West was raised in a fundamentalist Christian church.
- She married at 19 and had kids back-to-back. Then she had an
abortion when herIUD failed.
This as-told-to
It was 2011, and my life was finally getting on track. It had been over a decade since I dropped out of college at 19 and got pregnant immediately — a common experience for women who, like me, were raised in fundamentalist Christian churches.
For years I felt that my life was on pause. My first
Over the years the church had become more controlling, but at this point it was dominating my life. I dreamed of continuing my education and not having any more babies.
The church was very controlling
I worked — with my babies in my cubicle — at a church-owned business. I socialized almost exclusively with church members.
When I borrowed an unapproved movie from a friend outside of the church, she would have to deliver it in a brown paper bag, and I would close the curtains before watching.
The church leaders would personally deliver offering envelopes at our door with a pointed comment about how much we were to give.
I was relieved when my family moved into Pittsburgh, cutting ties with the church that had become so toxic.
As soon as I was able to, I got an IUD. I never wanted to be pregnant again.
My IUD failed
Then three years after my IUD was placed, it failed. I was pregnant.
I was devastated. I had just turned 30, and my youngest was about to start kindergarten.
During the decade my life was on hold, my husband built his career and became less and less supportive at home. Because of his constant absence and lack of contribution at home, our relationship felt devoid of any emotional or intellectual connection, and we decided to open our marriage to see if we could find fulfillment with additional partners.
Around that time I reconnected with a childhood friend, Jill, and I soon developed a crush on her. Though we were in the beginning stages of a relationship, she helped to fill the emotional void I had been feeling. She and I had been intimate for the first time just before I found out I was pregnant.
I had an abortion
Initially my OB ordered a blood test to check my hormone levels. When they indicated pregnancy, he removed my IUD, saying that it could be life-threatening to leave it in and that I would likely miscarry afterwards.
But the follow-up blood tests showed increasing hormone levels. It was a viable pregnancy. I broke down sobbing in his office. He was kind and not at all judgmental. He told me he would take care of me after an abortion if I decided to get one.
My partner said it was up to me but that he did not want another child. We were united on that.
Nonetheless, I struggled with extreme guilt. It was a month before the anniversary of the death of my first baby. I berated myself: How dare I terminate a child when I had lost a wanted child? Even if we were a little less than stable, we had enough money, we had two parents at home, and I was physically able to care for another baby.
Because of the values I internalized from the church, I felt I didn't have a legitimate objection.
It wasn't until I shared my pain with one close friend that I was given the phrase that allowed me to justify the abortion I wanted. She said all I'd be doing with an abortion is "completing the job your birth control failed to do." I decided to go ahead with it.
I spent most of my recovery alone. One of the things the church taught me is that if one person turns on you, everyone else will. So even though I had been out of the church for three years, and even though I now lived in a liberal neighborhood, I spent days bleeding on the couch not feeling like it would be safe to reach out to my community for support.
I have spent the last decade keeping this somewhat private. I haven't even told most of my family. But stories like mine are what allow us to have empathy for other people.