I was a people pleaser, but my job as a lawyer meant I needed to become a people displeaser

• As a newly practicing lawyer and a people pleaser, I had to get comfortable with pissing people off.
• When a defendant's lawyer threatened me, I faked my way through imposter syndrome and won the case.

I never knew that being a displeaser would be so delightfully satisfying, but it was a lesson I learned one day when I was in court while working as a divorce attorney.

"If you walk back into that courtroom, I will ask the judge to sanction you ... and I will make sure your career is short-lived," the opposing counsel said to me. Sanctions could mean a monetary fine or discipline by the state bar association. Let's just say, you don't want it to happen, especially in your first year of practicing law.

I'll never forget that day in court. I was a brand-new lawyer sent to court to represent a woman in a restraining order hearing after her husband threw a television at her head. The husband happened to be employed by his own lawyer who also happened to be a well-connected political figure in that city. The lawyer was someone who got what he wanted by bullying. They don't teach you what to do in a situation like this in law school. They don't teach you about short, balding, opposing counsel getting in your face and flinging a threat — or potentially a promise — your way.

My client had faith in me, but my imposter syndrome was overwhelming

My client, a slight woman, was still trembling from having to testify against her husband. She was afraid of him. She fidgeted nervously just so she didn't have to make eye contact with him. I saw the fear in her eyes when she looked at the man she had vowed to spend the rest of her life with; I saw the hope when she looked to me to help her. But who was I to help her? Sure, I was a lawyer, but I was still a kid at 28 years old, the ink barely dried on my diploma.

Like most young lawyers, I didn't really know what I was doing. I was scared shitless. I'm not going to pretend I was some badass, young, confident woman sashaying into court with her confidence as tall as her spike heels. No, quite the opposite. I was in an oversized, gold-buttoned blazer that looked like it had been plucked from my grandfather's closet. I carried a black briefcase that was so new, the leather was still stiff and the clasp squeaky. I may have been dressed to play a certain part, but I was uncertain and intimidated, and I wasn't sure I was fooling anyone.

"I guess we will just see what a judge has to say," I replied trying not to break eye contact. I turned away from him and walked back into the courtroom, bag in hand, client trailing behind. My hand was shaking. I had no idea if his threat was empty. I just knew that I couldn't let my client down, and I knew the right thing to do.

I learned to get comfortable with pissing people off

Having grown up as a people pleaser, I certainly picked the wrong profession. It was literally my job to piss people off on a daily basis, so trying to please everyone was an impossible feat. Perhaps, I should have stuck with my teenage job escorting Barney, the purple dinosaur, to children's parties. Now, that was a happy job, except when I had to peel a child off his tail.

Despite my nervousness, I won that day in court. My client got a restraining order, and she was safe from her husband. That lawyer left court with his tail — not of the purple variety — between his legs. He didn't ask for sanctions or carry out any of his intimidations. He knew his threat was baseless, but it didn't stop him from trying to scare a young lawyer. It almost worked.

What was really interesting though, was what happened after that day. I had other cases with him in the following years, but he never tried to intimidate me again. Because I'd stood my ground, he knew I could not be persuaded with menacing words. He knew where he stood with me. Imagine if I had caved. I bet he would have continued to bully me in all our future interactions because he would have known he could get away with it. That day was a lesson.

I knew that I needed to get comfortable being a people displeaser.

Excerpted from "She Who Wins: Ditch Your Inner 'Good Girl,' Overcome Uncertainty, and Win at Your Life" (Urano World, September 5, 2023). Reprinted with permission from Urano World.