I was a dialysis nurse who donated a kidney for my patient. Now, we're engaged.

• Emily McIntire donated her kidney anonymously for her patient.
• Her kidney went to a 21-year-old on the donor list, and her patient was able to get someone else's.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Emily McIntire. It has been edited for length and clarity.

As a home dialysis nurse, I saw first-hand the toll that kidney failure takes on patients and families. People on home dialysis hook themselves up to a machine between three and seven times a week for treatments that last at least two hours. As a registered nurse, it was my job to train them how to run the treatment — a process that can sometimes take months.

One of my first patients was a man in his early 60s. He and his wife were so gracious to let me learn alongside them. He had all these plans, but he didn't get to do them because he died from kidney failure. It was so sad.

That planted the seed of donating a kidney. We all have two kidneys but only need one to stay alive. Through living donation, you can give a kidney to someone else, saving their life.

I started focusing on my own health, getting into shape while considering a major surgery. Then, a few years after my first patient died, I started caring for Jeff. We bonded over the fact that he was scared of needles — which is not great for a dialysis patient. At one point, he had a living donor. When that fell through, I saw how devastated he was.

I decided to donate my kidney to Jeff

I knew this was my chance: I would donate my kidney to Jeff. My first step was to talk to my employer to make sure there was no conflict of interest; he was my patient after all.

When they gave me the OK, I contacted Jeff's transplant team. I passed all the physical tests and was even a blood and tissue match for Jeff. Meanwhile, he had no idea I was the person donating — he was just told an anonymous donor came forward. I wanted to do this whole thing with as little fuss as possible.

But at the last minute, there was a snag. Doctors worried that the size difference between Jeff and me was too great. In short, my kidney would be too small for him. That's when I learned about paired donation, which is meant to help donors and recipients who aren't a good match for each other.

My kidney went to one of the more than 100,000 people on the national transplant waiting list, a 21-year-old who had put college on hold when his lupus caused kidney failure. Then, another donor gave her kidney to Jeff. All four of us had our surgeries within a month of each other in June and July 2021.

Now, we're planning our wedding this fall

Even after the surgery, Jeff didn't know I had donated. But the kidney doctor I worked under urged me to share my story. When the hospital asked if we'd be interested in meeting, I said yes, and so did Jeff.

The hospital arranged a Zoom call between Jeff, the woman whose kidney was transplanted into him, and me, the person who was responsible for his kidney donation. At first, he was very confused about why I was on the call. Then he was blown away. He didn't know what to say.

That was the last time Jeff and I were speechless around each other. After that Zoom call we met for coffee, and we haven't stopped talking since. We hike together often, something Jeff loves but wasn't able to do when he was in kidney failure. About 15 months after the transplant, we got engaged. We're getting married in October.

I hope more people consider living donation

People tell us that our story sounds like a Hallmark movie. Others say I'm a hero, or they could never do what I didn't. But they can — and you can too. I would love to see kidney donation normalized like blood donation.

Everyone should know they don't have to be a match or know someone in kidney failure to make a difference. Jeff's kidney is from an altruistic donor, someone who had no personal connection, but felt called to donate.

After the surgery, I was out of work for five weeks. The pain wasn't too bad, but the financial impact was. I was on short-term disability and had to pay for my own benefit costs for those weeks. Family helped me get through. Now I work for Strive Health, a kidney care provider that tries to reach people before they need dialysis. Strive gives all employees eight weeks of paid leave if they become a living donor. That would have been a game changer for me, and more policies like these could save lives by making donation easier.

Donating a kidney is a big ask, and a big give. But when I hike with my soon-to-be husband, I'm so glad I took the chance.