- I used to post photos of my boyfriends on social media, seeking validation from the outside world.
- I met a group of women who don't do that, and it changed my perspective on sharing online.
Last month while scrolling through my Instagram feed, I came to a harsh realization — all my successful friends who have partners never post them on social media. Those with less-impressive careers have their feeds filled with photos of their significant others.
As I hung out more with my successful friends and their social circles, I soon learned the hidden-code language of social-media behavior among these women. I realized, first and foremost, the most-important rule is that sharing your partner on your social media is gauche.
Since I've stopped sharing my partners on social media, too, I'm way happier.
I used to post photos of my boyfriends to seek validation from others
It made sense because I used to post photos of my partners on social media as a validation-seeking activity. I wanted to show everyone that I had a hot boyfriend.
My new group of friends travels the world, and there's no part of their lifestyle that's dull enough that they need to compensate for it with a boyfriend's face on social media. Northwestern University found that those who posted more frequently about their partners felt insecure in their relationships. Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist and relationship expert, told Mail Online that "often it's the people who post the most who are seeking validation for their relationship from other people on social media."
I realized that I was also doing it before because I was extremely insecure back then, and a part of me wanted to make my friends jealous.
My boyfriends were the only interesting part of my life
I suddenly sympathized with my less-successful friends and understood their need for validation through a boyfriend, because I used to be that person until about a year ago. My social-media behavior was similar to that of my friends, who were just like me and struggling with their careers.
I used to always post my partners excessively because they made up the only interesting part of my life. Now that I have filled up my life with hobbies, fulfilling work, and amazing female friendships, I barely feel the need to post any guy I'm dating on my social media to seek approval.
When one of my friends from my previous life, who lives in a small town outside London and is constantly posting pictures of and with her partner, reached out for coffee when she was visiting London, my fingers involuntarily typed, "Sorry, can't tomorrow." I often wonder why I did that. Was I scared that I might fall back into the same validation-seeking patterns if I hung out with her? Or was this my way of rebelling against these women to show that I have a fuller life now?
Whatever the reason was, I did make a New Year's resolution that I would not post my future boyfriends on my social media with a post that screams, "Look at me, I am dating someone hot, are you jealous?" I realized I was now dating people based on how they make me feel and not based on how they make me look on social media. I felt more secure and confident that I now had a different identity outside of my relationships, and that the person I was dating wouldn't define me.
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