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I uprooted my life to take care of my sick mother. The unexpected financial costs of caregiving were the biggest burden.

Nov 19, 2023, 21:22 IST
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The author.Courtesy of Allison Grinberg-Funes
  • This summer I temporarily moved to Charleston, South Carolina, to care for my mother.
  • I was surprised by the costs of caregiving, including health aides, Ubers, and food.
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Five years ago, when my mom's cancer metastasized, her doctor told her she had five years to live. This year we celebrated her 68th birthday in South Carolina.

A few days after I returned to Boston from that trip, I got a call from my mother. She had been admitted to the hospital in Charleston for infections caused by complications from a cancer surgery she'd had years earlier. Within 72 hours of my arrival back in Charleston, my mom's health deteriorated. She was moved to the intensive-care unit and put on a ventilator.

I canceled my return flight to Boston and started making plans to stay for at least the summer. While my siblings could come to visit and help, I had the most flexibility because I work remotely and have no kids to care for. I asked my friend to watch my cat. I got my prescriptions moved to a local pharmacy.

I thought I had it all figured out, but I didn't anticipate the financial burden.

I didn't expect to have so many financial costs as a caregiver

I'm lucky enough to have a 401(k) and a savings account I regularly contribute to. As a millennial who started her career in the startup industry just after a recession, I saw it as an achievement to have savings at all. But I wasn't as goal-directed as I should've been; I didn't quite realize that until I uprooted my life to be a caretaker.

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The unexpected costs added up: the hospital food, the Lyft and Uber rides to and from my mom's bedside, gas and maintenance for her car, utility bills, and care for her two dogs. All the while, I was still paying rent for my apartment and parking spot back in Boston, utilities, and car payments. I considered taking short-term disability leave, but I would've been paid only a percentage of my salary. With the cost of living in Boston combined with the additional costs of caretaking, I didn't have enough savings to make that an option.

So I continued working while taking care of my mom.

I also had to manage my mother's finances

My siblings and I made sure my mom was up to date on all her bills. It was a lot to manage the finances of someone who no longer has a steady paycheck, has Medicare, and isn't well enough to answer your questions. Some costs we decided to shoulder ourselves. But how long would she need assistance in recovery? Would we continue to help financially?

Working with her care team of specialists, we began to understand what recovery would cost. She'd need transport to and from doctor appointments, for example. Then there was the cost of a home health aide, who may only come for an hour or so twice a month.

That help would be out-of-pocket. My siblings and I started talking about how we plan to care for our parents in the long term. Because my siblings are married, they also have their in-laws to consider.

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Caring for parents isn't something many people think about until they need to

Growing up, many people see a family member taking in someone older or visiting a loved one living in a nursing home. In the back of my mind, I knew that someday caring for my mom was something I'd need to consider. But I didn't know it'd come so soon.

Unlike my siblings, I was caretaking without a partner to help shoulder the emotional or financial load. When my mother's care team told me she was healthy enough for me to go back to Boston, I returned home — but my siblings and I are still talking about the financial burdens.

When my friends and I talk about financial planning, we discuss 401(k)s and goals like buying a home or saving up for dream vacations. But I've started asking about their plans for caretaking. If a parent falls ill, do they have enough money saved to take short-term disability? Do they think they'd be able to afford a nursing home? Does the house they envision have an in-law apartment attached?

I don't wish what my family experienced this summer on anyone. But it got us thinking and, more importantly, planning. Caretaking for a loved one involves a lot of stress. It's best to look ahead now, because you won't need the additional financial stress on top of everything else.

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