I took my first diet pill at 15. It took me years to finally love my body as it is.

• Growing up, I was curvier than my friends, and in a pre-Kardashian era, I felt like I didn't fit in.
• I stole my mom's diet pills from the medicine cabinet and went from a size 11 to a 2 in months.

It was 2001, and my baby fat years were getting to me. I developed early and didn't fit in with my skinny-mini friends. Growing up in the days of Slim-Fast and "there's no such thing as too thin," my curvy body in the pre-Kardashian era was desired by men and shamed by women. I simply didn't fit in.

No more, I decided.

I would do anything to look like the other girls my age and fit into the size-zero jeans my best friend wore. Soon, I was jumping on top of the counter, opening the medicine cabinet, and fishing out my mom's diet pills.

I restricted myself to eating only 18 grams of fat a day, and I worked out constantly ⁠— running about five to 15 miles a day. I ran as often as I could, and I ate as little as possible while taking diet pills to help me shed weight faster.

I went from a size 11 to a size 2 in three months. From friends to coaches to family members, people praised me for losing weight — for taking my health seriously. No one knew what I was doing to make that happen. All they saw was me shrinking from what was considered overweight ⁠— at the time ⁠— to thin.

It took me 15 years to recover from my unhealthy dieting

While I did heal from that disordered eating and exercising, diet culture was still pervasive around me. Because I lost so much weight as a teen, I gained weight as I got older. I had gotten down to 118 pounds, and my body fluctuates now, but I average about 145 pounds, and that's healthy for me now at 36.

Diet culture taught me that my worth was tied to being thin, and it affected everything: how I showed up for friends; what roles I took in my relationships; and how I was willing to be seen in my business. If I wanted to be truly free of diet culture, I was going to have to value myself differently.

This past holiday season, I put some weight on, and it was seriously hurting my confidence. A friend told me that she was using a doctor-prescribed injectable to lose weight, and I seriously considered it. It was just to get off a few pounds, right?

Not so much. I found out a potential side effect was thyroid tumors, and I wasn't willing to risk it. This made me realize I needed to start thinking about my weight differently.

So I asked myself this question, "Do I want to be on the never-ending quest for the perfect body with the lowest percentage of body fat, perfect boobs, a big round butt, and a snatched waist, constantly reaching for the next shake, diet, medicine, or surgery in order to be seen as valuable and worthy to the world? Or do I want to choose a different path?"

That's when I got to work on my mindset, finding which beliefs I bought into that were hurting me. The number of times "I'm not thin enough to..." or "I'm not pretty enough to…" came up were disturbing.

I don't have it down perfectly yet, but I've made incredible strides.

I'm not beating myself up for not being a size 2 — I fluctuate between a size 6 and a size 8. I'm able to actually look in the mirror without tearing myself apart.

I'm happy to exercise and eat well because it feels good, not because I have to in order to be perfect. Feeling free from constantly body-shaming myself is a whole new world.

PollyAnna Brown is a communication expert, journalist, and ghostwriter using her 15+ years of experience in entertainment and psychology to help business owners and entrepreneurs grow their audience, impact, and sales. You can learn more here.