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I stopped wearing headphones when I leave my house to challenge my social awkwardness. Now, I feel more present and confident.

Aug 3, 2023, 00:35 IST
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A photo of me in New York City.Lauren Edmonds/Insider
  • For years, I always left the house with headphones to play music on the go.
  • In retrospect, I used headphones as a crutch to hide my social awkwardness and shyness.
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Growing up, my shyness felt somewhat debilitating.

I wasn't shy around my family or close circle of friends, but the prospect of asking my classmate for a pencil or introducing myself to a stranger made me freeze like a deer in headlights. I, perhaps subconsciously, found solace in the peripheral of people's attention.

A photo of me the summer before high school.Lauren Edmonds

As a teenager, I attended a public school that differed vastly from the tiny private Catholic school where I spent my elementary and middle school days. There, I was a small fish in a large pond struggling to tread water with my timid personality, but I found a life raft in my iPod Touch. Instead of dealing with anxiety-producing conversations with schoolmates, I could slip my headphones on and breeze through the hallways with my soundtrack.

At the time, it felt like I cracked a life hack, but in retrospect, I used my headphones as a crutch to mitigate my fear of rejection and lack of confidence.

As an adult, I still traveled with headphones, but I recently challenged myself to walk in silence

I live in Brooklyn, New York, and a recent outing in my neighborhood made me reckon with myself. As I prepared to run errands, I grabbed my essentials: phone, keys, wallet, and, of course, my headphones, which happened to be dead. I was mildly disappointed, but I wasn't about to let uncharged headphones restructure my entire day. However, walking a few miles across Brooklyn in silence seemed wholly unpleasant.

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At first, I felt oddly exposed and a bit unsure of myself, but as I trudged through the sticky summer heat, I realized I wasn't walking in silence at all.

There was noise everywhere, from the cars blaring music, zooming through the intersections, to the people chatting outside the bodega — who offered a quick smile and greeting as I walked past. It was the first of many acknowledgments I received while running errands, which typically doesn't happen when I'm out and about, tucked away underneath my headphones.

Suddenly, I was having small conversations with shop owners and sharing quick jokes with people on the street. By the time I got home, I felt accomplished.

After that, I challenged myself to leave the headphones at home and engage with the world.

Leaving the house without my headphones boosted my confidence

Now, I won't lie and say I quit cold turkey. There are times when I'll leave the house in my music bubble, but I've also made a concerted effort to be present. Being present allowed me to forge small relationships with people in my community and slow down. It's made me appreciate where I'm at.

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A photo of me in New York City.Lauren Edmonds/Insider

It's also helped me practice my social skills, a muscle that needs flexing like any other. Ultimately, it's one of many steps to become open, vulnerable, and sure of myself as I navigate my 20-somethings.

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