- Six months ago, Jamie Bradley decided to quit alcohol after questioning her drinking habits.
- Two months later, Bradley had a drink and decided she would allow herself a drink every now and then.
I surprised pretty much everyone in my life last June when I told them I was going to stop drinking. Though I was a frequent drinker, I didn't necessarily think I had a problem. After not drinking for two months, I surprised everyone again by ordering a glass of wine at dinner one night.
From then on, I drank sometimes, but much more often, I decided not to drink when I previously would have. It was clear to me that everyone in my life was desperately trying to define my new lifestyle. Do you drink or not? Can you handle alcohol or do you have a problem? As I struggled internally to answer these same questions, I slowly realized that my priority right now is drinking less often while I work toward not drinking at all someday.
Since deciding to curb my drinking, I've learned how to trade an all-or-nothing mentality for a realistic approach to long-lasting change. I am learning self-care and social techniques that don't rely on alcohol while also being kind to myself when I do choose to drink.
Before my decision, I was drinking regularly
Drinking for me started as an induction into "cool" — a social contract of belonging that I was all too willing to sign. And it is a contract. Once I started drinking, there was no expectation that I would ever stop. I went from high-school parties in basements to Lower East Side dive bars, 5 p.m. work happy hours, and rosé-filled brunches. Drinking has been the main event for most of my 20s.
As a 29-year-old woman working at a tech startup, I got comfortable treating myself to a few glasses of wine at dinner and one too many tequila shots on a night out dancing with friends. I was prone to the occasional hungover Sunday, binge-watching TV and eating mozzarella sticks. Averaging around seven to 10 drinks a week qualified me as a "heavy drinker," according to the CDC.
I never questioned my relationship with alcohol. I didn't even know it was something I could question. Alcohol was just a part of life.
All that changed when I read 'Quit Like a Woman' by Holly Whitaker
Whitaker's book woke me up to some hard truths I had been avoiding. The self-help book made me realize that alcohol has done a lot more bad than good over the years. Drunken stories I used to tell through fits of laughter suddenly were reframed as more honest recounts of me putting myself in unsafe situations, severely damaging my physical health, and making choices that negatively impacted the most important relationships in my life.
Whitaker posed a simple question: Does drinking add or take away from your quality of life? When it came down to it, I had to admit that it took and took and took.
I then decided to challenge myself and explore what a life without alcohol would look like. I quickly realized how hard it would be to create that life.
Not drinking became a welcome discomfort for me
When I broke the social contract that most of us made as teenagers and officially stopped drinking, my brain was flooded with questions. Is anything going to be fun without alcohol? Am I socially awkward if I'm not tipsy? Will I feel left out if I'm the only one not drinking?
All of my fears about not drinking turned out to be true. I am awkward. A lot of things are boring. People judge me for not drinking and make me feel left out. But I also discovered that there is another side of the coin.
Being awkward and leaning into that is how genuine connections are made. I'm becoming more selective with my time and who I spend it with, rather than hanging out with people and in situations that need alcohol to be fun. I've also saved over $2,500 in the past six months, I regularly get nine hours of sleep, I'm in the best shape of my life, I have healthier and more meaningful relationships — the list is endless.
But I still have a drink from time to time, and I don't see it as a failure
I am not sober. There have been 15 days over the past six months that I've decided to drink. Sometimes it's from wanting to feel included. Sometimes I convince myself I need a buzz or that it's the only way to have fun in a situation. Sometimes I just want to do it. I no longer see it as a failure, but it took me some time to get here.
After I committed to never drinking again last June and then caving and having a drink months later, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. Curiously, the next morning, I woke up with the same resolve: not wanting to drink. So I tried again, and I failed again. As this pendulum became normalized for me, it transformed from success and failure into a journey. I learned about myself on the days I chose not to drink. I learned even more about myself on the days I chose to order one. I started listening to podcasts and watching sober TikTok. I also got an app, I Am Sober, on my phone to track my progress. I took the lessons from the sober community that resonated with me and left the rest behind. I decided to customize my relationship with alcohol rather than go by a predefined playbook.
Every time I trade tequila for tea, ask for sparkling water in a wineglass, or watch a friend turn down a drink because they see how fun not drinking can be, it's something I celebrate, and it keeps me going.
For some people, the choice to stop drinking is life or death. For me, it's about making healthier, better choices more often. Over the past six months, I have cut down my drinking by a whopping 75%. That's something to be proud of.
I still wake up with the same goal every day: to live an alcohol-free lifestyle. Maybe someday I'll be perfect at that, but for now, I'm happy with the progress I'm making.