- Apps like Life360 allow parents to track the whereabouts of their kids.
- I specialize in anxiety and know these apps can trigger it in kids and parents.
I frantically scroll through the just-released sleepaway-camp photos and find a picture of my son, smiling, in a conga line during a camp dance. I breathe a sigh of relief.
My friend tells our text chain that she is "freaking out" because Life360 is down, and she won't be able to track her daughter walking home from school.
My young-adult-therapy client tells me about being in a store, overwhelmed by a minor decision about decorations for her friend's birthday party. She said she called her mother, who helped her talk through the options.
Thanks to location sharing, apps like Life360, and the ability to get an immediate answer via text or by phone call, parents can know what's happening with their kids at any given time. And the same goes the other way: If a child needs to reach their parent for on-the-spot advice or support, they can get it whenever requested.
Gone are the days of my Gen X childhood when I would be out and about with friends, freely roaming the neighborhood, knowing that my only obligation was to be home for 6 p.m. dinner. Nobody's parents knew where we were at any given time, and not even my overprotective parents seemed to worry about our whereabouts.
Nowadays, having access to this type of surveillance and immediate contact can give kids and parents a sense of security and quell anxiety. But in the long term, this level of connection can do the opposite — increasing anxiety in parents and children alike and lowering their ability to deal with uncertainty.
Tracking your kids can help with anxiety and also trigger it
As a psychologist specializing in anxiety, I frequently work with my clients to increase their tolerance to uncertainty. People with anxiety notoriously struggle with this. They often ask others for reassurance that things are OK or engage in behaviors such as compulsively checking things or doing internet searches to get immediate relief. Reassurance-seeking helps relieve anxiety in the short term. However, people become reliant on it. As a result, they get stuck in a cycle of anxiety and reassurance seeking. They don't learn how to cope effectively with uncertainty.
Tracking software works by providing reassurance. You have a thought, "I wonder where my child is," and you immediately check and find out their exact location. Any anxiety about your child's whereabouts is quickly quashed. However, in the case of my friend, who became dependent on tracking her daughter, when the app was down, her mind went to catastrophe. The same is true if you're used to getting quick text responses from your child. If you don't hear back immediately, it might induce worry.
Consider the case of Jennifer, a middle-school English teacher, who asked that only her first name to be used to protect her daughter's identity. Last year, her young-adult daughter texted and said she felt sick. Later, when Jennifer called her daughter to check in, she didn't answer the phone. Jennifer envisioned the worst-case scenarios and contacted the police to do a wellness check. Before the police arrived, her daughter called to say she had just awakened from a nap. Jennifer also uses Life360 to track her daughter, even though she's 21 and away at college. Jennifer said it's "comforting" for her to know that her daughter is where "she should be at night" and is safe, even if she's out at bars with her friends.
Tech-free camps give kids independence
To get another perspective, I spoke with Jarod Wunneburger, the director of Camp Timberlake, an overnight camp in Vermont. He said that even though the campers are "unplugged" from technology, there is a lot of pressure to post pictures in the parent portal. He said the camp will get calls from concerned parents saying things like, "My kid doesn't look happy in this picture." Or parents will reach out if the camp doesn't post pictures frequently enough or if their child is not in enough pictures. He explained that part of the camp-orientation experience is teaching parents how to separate from their kids.
Children fortunate to attend a tech-free overnight camp can experience the type of independence I had in my childhood, even if they know their parents still see these pictures. While at camp, they can't reach a parent instantly if they are upset or uncertain about something, which, from my professional perspective, is a good thing.
Anxiety is rampant and at an all-time high among children and teens. There are several factors that may contribute to that, and I suspect the inability to tolerate uncertainty because of smartphones is among them.
I asked Jennifer how she would have felt if Life360 existed when she was younger and her mother had monitored her when she was in college. She said, without pause, "I would have turned that button off!"