- I drank my first hard lemonade when I was 17 and continued drinking in college — and after.
- People knew me as a party girl, but in early 2022 I decided to get sober.
From the time a boy at a party offered me my first sip of Jed's Hard Lemonade — because we were 17 and too broke for Mike's — I was hooked.
Throughout college I pushed the limits when it came to drinking, heading out to parties and bars more nights than not. Our group of friends would use markers on the inside of our forearms to tally how many drinks we'd had in a night, and often we hit at least 10 tallies before we even left the dorm.
I wish I could say my binge drinking stopped once I graduated, but it didn't. On weekends I continued to drink until I threw up or passed out, whichever came first. But I didn't think I had a problem, because I had a good job and I got married — my life was following the blueprint for an American woman in her mid-to-late 20s.
There wasn't a lightbulb moment that inspired me to stop drinking. The culmination of negativity associated with drinking — the dwindling bank account, the hangxiety over the texts I'd sent the night before, the apologies for hurtful words I'd said that I couldn't remember — finally began to outweigh the fun that came with nights on the town. I stopped drinking for good in early 2022.
While it was the right decision for me, it can be awkward when I see people who knew me during my party-girl days and they offer me a drink. Keeping a few phrases in my back pocket can be helpful for when well-meaning friends offer me a glass of wine (and are surprised that I don't throw it back and ask for a refill).
If you're newly sober, you might feel anxious and worried about what people will think, but you're not alone
If you've been concerned with your drinking to the point where you want to cut back or stop, you're not alone. Whether your reasons are like mine — wanting to stay in full control of your faculties, not having to deal with hangxiety every Saturday and Sunday morning, and wanting to get healthy — or completely different, the sober and sober-curious movements are trending.
But many people who are leaning toward sobriety or have decided not to drink have gotten questions from fellow partygoers, especially if they were known for their heavy-drinking ways in the past.
"The idea that it's abnormal to not drink alcohol is a problem," Marni Millet, a licensed clinical social worker, said. She believes that it's because of this idea many people feel pressured to explain their choice not to drink. However, while it's understandable to feel some anxiety around the situation when newly sober, you may find that fewer people ask the question than you might expect. "People typically don't ask this question, as it's a private and personal one," she continued.
I've found that new acquaintances and friends don't often question my choice not to drink, but people who knew the old me are surprised when I'm not the one strutting around the party making sure everyone's glass is as full as mine. While my friends have by and large been supportive of my decision, this isn't the case for everyone who gives up booze.
"A tip is to ask yourself who you keep company with, if this question is important," Millet said. "People that ask this question are usually bigger drinkers." The bottom line: If your friends aren't supporting your sobriety, it may be time to find new friends.
Keep these phrases in mind for when people ask why you're not drinking
There's no need to explain to others why you aren't drinking, but if you feel pressed or if (like me) you want to have an answer in your back pocket, you can use these phrases.
I had enough booze for a lifetime in my 20s — I'm all set.
I like to use this one for people who knew me in my hard-partying days but have yet to get acquainted with the new, sober me. However, it's totally understandable if you don't want to bring up your history with the bottle to new friends — and you don't owe anyone an explanation for your choice to stay sober.
I think I might be allergic to alcohol? I don't feel well after I drink.
If you want to quickly put a stop to questions about drinking, this will usually do the trick, as most people aren't keen on questioning the dietary habits of others.
I have an early morning tomorrow.
This simple answer is a good one for people who keep bugging you about why you aren't hitting up the bar, as it doesn't require you to reveal additional information.
Alcohol and I don't get along so well. Believe me, you'd see what I'm talking about.
A phrase like this can be perfect if you're in a new crowd with people who may not be familiar with your history and you feel comfortable talking about your sobriety. Know that this response may invite questions, though you don't have to answer any you don't feel comfortable with.
You don't need to explain your choice not to drink if you don't want to. Simply saying "I'm not drinking right now" can shut down people prying for info you don't feel comfortable revealing.
If you don't feel comfortable flat-out saying you're not drinking, you're not alone. While honesty can be a great policy in many situations, there's nothing wrong with telling a white lie to get a booze pusher to leave you alone, like saying you have an allergy. Telling someone who won't seem to take no for an answer that you just started taking an antibiotic or a new medication that doesn't mix well with alcohol can also get them to stop pushing you to imbibe.
Putting yourself first is the most important thing
It's important to put your sobriety first — and sometimes this can mean changing up the way you interact with friends.
"Often, people may avoid parties with alcohol at first, until this question doesn't hold so much weight," Millet said. "When we're anxious, we need to push the anxiety down."
Asking yourself if you have the strategies necessary to stay sober in situations when you're up against anxiety can help you decide whether you're ready to attend parties where booze is present.
"People who have worked through this question are in a better place to be at the party," Millet said.
You're choosing not to drink, and that's fantastic. You don't owe anyone an explanation, unless you want to give one. It's OK to sidestep, avoid, or leave situations that tempt you to stray from your ideals.