- Maisha Rush didn't want kids, but her first child changed her mind; now she's a mom of 12.
- She prioritizes her relationship with her husband and her kids individually.
This as-told-to story is based on a transcribed conversation with Maisha Rush, a 44-year-old mother of 12 from Moncks Corner, SC, that has been edited for length and clarity.
As the oldest child, I knew since I was younger that I didn't want the responsibility of parenthood. That changed when I was 21 and had my first son, Reggie, with my ex-husband.
Reggie was such an easy baby. When I had a bad day at work, Reggie would take his little hands, grab my head, and lay my head on his lap. He'd rub my head while he watched his favorite cartoons. He made me feel like I was capable of motherhood.
Reggie is 22 now, and I had 2 more children in my first marriage — Isaiah, who is 17, and Madison, who died in her sleep when she was 3 months old. I know that her death isn't anyone's fault, but I still struggle with it. After Madison died, my first marriage dissolved.
I met my husband, Thomas, through a church friend. Though we didn't plan on having a large family, we now have nine biological children — Bella, 12; Thomas, 11; Sara, 10; Gabriel, 9; Cameron, 7; Ian, 5; Ava, 4; Maia, 2; and Kera, 1. We also adopted my nephew Charles, 8, the day after he was born. Thomas got a vasectomy in 2022.
Being a mom to 12 kids gets overwhelming
Being a mom of 12 requires flexibility. I have to adjust our schedule if I oversleep or if someone is sick because our schedule is impacted.
We live in a 3,000-square-foot house with five bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms. Mornings require careful planning.
I usually get up between 4:30 and 5:00 a.m., and I'll shower and throw on a pair of sweats. Thomas wakes up at 6:30 a.m., and the children wake up at 8:00 a.m. If I have time before everyone else wakes up, I'll read.
Our primary bedroom has a full bath. The girls use our bathroom to shower because they refuse to share a bathroom with their brothers.
Throughout the day, our children have a scheduled time to eat, learn, help with chores, and play. All the kids are in bed by 9:30 p.m.
Even with structure, I feel overwhelmed almost every morning. Two years ago, I woke up crying. When Thomas asked me what was wrong, I told him, "I can't do this today." I overslept, and I simply couldn't function that day with the kids screaming and banging the walls. Thomas told me to stay in the room and come out whenever I was up to it.
Whenever Reggie, our oldest, notices that I need some alone time, he'll take the children for a drive to give me quiet time.
I have to be good at navigating change and managing money
I used to homeschool my children. This is the first year that all of our school-aged children are in three different public schools except Reggie and Bella. Reggie is in the Marines, and Bella is doing a dual enrollment with college and high school.
On average, we spend $2,500 a month on groceries alone. With phone bills, school supplies, day dates, and financial obligations, our budget for the children is about an additional $2,300. Our mortgage is $1,437.74.
I have to prioritize 1 on 1 relationships
Prioritizing relationships — including my relationship with myself — is critical.
Each child needs attention, so I have "day dates" with them individually. We eat and go shopping so they can spend time alone with me.
Thomas does all of the hands-on things with the children — dodgeball, bike riding, and arts and crafts.
Thomas and I still go on dates, and my mom or sister will watch the kids. We just went to Atlanta for our anniversary. That was the first time we've been away from the kids overnight.
My relationship with my family is important to me, but in order for me to be the best wife and mom, I have to keep my sanity — that includes taking a break when I need it.
I can't eat or go to the bathroom in privacy, so sometimes I'll hide in my closet with a book, go for a walk, watch Netflix alone in the car, or do something that gives me an emotional and mental break.
Having such a big family can be stressful, but it's worth the love, joy, and happiness we bring each other. I'm here for the journey.