- I met my husband on a chat app that allows users to message people from all over the world.
- At the time, he lived in Canada, and I lived in Indonesia. We met in person after two years.
Many people can't believe it when I tell them how I met my husband. I'm not surprised — after all, I waited two years before meeting him in real life, and not many people have that much patience.
In 2016, I'd been single for a while and was pretty bored. But I was an introvert, and finding someone to connect with in person felt uncomfortable. I ended up downloading Chatous, advertised as an app for connecting and talking to strangers online anonymously. I quickly became obsessed with it, because I got to talk to people from all over the world.
When I started using it, Chatous was pretty basic. There was no option to add a picture to your profile, just a nickname, a short description, and hashtags to help you find people with your interests. You could choose whether you wanted to talk to people in a specific country or around the world. If you felt uncomfortable in a chat, you could always end it and start again with someone new.
The conversations in the app moved quickly, and it was hard to connect with people. But somehow my husband and I found each other this way while I was living in Indonesia and he was living in Canada. We talked about our dreams of traveling the world and our obsessions with mountains and lakes. We also happened to like the same genres of books and music. It was like finding the male version of myself.
After we connected, we took things slowly
We chatted nonstop for a month. We wanted to ensure we were both comfortable with each other. Eventually, we exchanged numbers and moved to WhatsApp.
Our first video call happened months after we started texting. A few months after that, I told my friends in college that I'd been talking to a guy I met on Chatous. They gently advised me not to rush. While they didn't try to stop me from talking to him, they didn't want me to be so emotionally invested in the relationship before I met him in person and got to know him better.
After about six months of texting and video calling, we officially started dating. But since neither of us was in a good place financially, we decided to hold off our plan to meet in person. I was also trying to finish my studies in Indonesia, and he had just started a new job in Canada.
Since this was the only online relationship I'd been in, it was hard to know if I really loved him or if I just loved the idea of him. What if we ended up not liking each other in person? What if we were compatible only online and not in real life?
We finally decided to meet
One evening he asked me if I still wanted to meet him in person, as he felt he was financially ready. I said yes. Two weeks later, he booked a flight to Bali. On April 15, 2018, after two years of talking online, we met in person.
It was awkward for the first couple of hours, but soon it felt like we'd known each other in person for a long time; the chemistry we'd had while texting and video chatting was still there. Nothing really changed (except he was a bit taller than I thought he'd be).
He stayed for two weeks, and we explored Bali Island, from the Monkey Forest in Ubud to Kelingking Beach in Nusa Penida. I also introduced him to many Indonesian dishes and Balinese temples.
Our first meeting was memorable and way more exciting than we'd expected it to be. When the trip ended and he left the country, it felt painful. We missed each other too much already, and we couldn't stop talking about our next reunion.
Our relationship got serious right after we met in person. We realized we wanted to spend more time together and maybe even get married someday. But it took us five long years to make that leap and live in the same country.
We knew we wanted to be together, but we had some things to overcome
During those five years, we traveled to see each other each year. We explored new places between Bali and Canada, and our relationship grew stronger. We knew we wanted to get married, but for so long we couldn't decide which one of us would relocate.
On top of that, we had to deal with his family's disapproval of our relationship. They're from India, and they wanted him to be with someone with the same cultural background. But he insisted on being with me, and after many fights and arguments over two years with his family, they finally accepted our relationship.
While I don't regret ending up together, being long-distance was hard, requiring a lot of my energy and focus. It was also hard to be present in my life while I was so focused on someone thousands of miles away. Now that we're together and living in Canada, we can finally work on building our life together.