- Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I wasn't as sure about getting married.
- I did get married, and though I love my husband, I sometimes don't enjoy being a wife.
From when I was a young girl, marriage didn't seem all that appealing to me. The idea of being with someone forever and having to share a space, finances, and everything else just seemed a bit overwhelming.
I liked the idea of having a serious relationship while keeping two separate living spaces. I liked my space and time to myself and wanted it to stay that way. But I also knew I always wanted to be a mother; in fact, I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world. Being a mother was always much more important to me than becoming a wife.
But things change in life, and eventually, I decided marriage was right for me. I met my now husband, a handsome bohemian Italian artist, during my first summer living in Italy almost 10 years ago. We immediately fell in love and after a year of dating, we moved in together.
After living together for six months, the topic of children came up. We had spoken about it before, but that evening was different. We talked about having children, how many we wanted (two), and when we might start trying. Then, while we were talking, the topic of marriage came up. I honestly don't even remember who brought it up. As we kept talking late into the evening, I casually asked, "ell, do you think we should get married?" to which Vito, my now husband replied, "I want to do whatever makes you happiest."
Right then and there, on a random night in January of 2017 we became engaged.
I was surprised when I changed my mind
I think what it comes down to is, I am more traditional and conservative than I originally thought. In my head, I always thought that I wanted to be a mom and didn't care if I was married to the father of my children. That was in theory. But once reality set in that I was with the man that I actually wanted to have children with, it felt different, and it started to feel like it just made sense to me to be married as well.
In fact, I didn't want to not be married to the father of my babies — I wanted to get married first, and then have children. It was almost a shocking revelation to myself, since I never thought it mattered to me. It turned out, in the back of my head, it did.
I don't always enjoy everything that comes with being a 'wife'
My husband and I have been together going on 10 years, and have been married for a little over seven. It's strange, but sometimes, I love being a wife and having that title. I actually like cleaning the house and making meals specially for my husband.
But there are times that I really don't enjoy it. I need my space. I need my privacy. There are moments when I don't want to have to tell my husband everything that I'm doing — not because I'm doing something I shouldn't be, but because sometimes, it feels like too much work to have explain everything that I have going on, especially as a mom of two children under the age of five who is also running my own business. It just sometimes feels like too much to have to be a wife.
But I've always loved being a mom
However, I love being a mom more than anything in this world. It's my calling. I truly feel I was put on this earth to be a mother. My children fill my life with such joy and fun. Yes, it's hard being a mom, and some days are absolute chaos, but it's what I'm best at. Being a mom is my happy and safe place. It's a love that is like no other.
It's not the same as being a wife, of course. There are times I feel bad for loving being a mother and not enjoying being a wife as much, but I have to accept that. And so does my husband, who quite frankly, never had planned to get married again (I'm his second wife).
We both love each other very much, even if there are things we don't love about being married — that doesn't mean our marriage isn't a strong one. It's OK to need space and to acknowledge the things we don't like as much about being married — there's balance in our relationship, and it works for us. The important thing is that we love each other (my husband often reminds me that he loves me more than himself) and love our babies and want to build a life together for us.