Science- I grew up with older parents, and it ended up being the right choice for me, too.
- In my 20s, I had time for a full social life. I also built up my career and traveled.
"Why are you so much older than my friend's mom?" my son asked one day after a playdate with one of his pals. While I knew being a good decade older than many of the parents at my kid's school could lead to this question, I wasn't quite sure how to answer.
I grew up with older parents — my mom was 32 and my dad was 39 when they had me. It never occurred to me that my parents were any different from other kids' moms and dads, despite their gray hair and wrinkles.
Once I graduated from college, I began receiving invites to friends' weddings, followed shortly after that by baby shower invitations. While I felt thrilled for my friends, I also knew I was nowhere near being ready for marriage and motherhood.
I wanted to enjoy my 20s child-free
During my 20s, I wanted to focus on me. I began working long hours at the local newspaper, working my way up to a reporting gig on the nightlife beat. Single and childless, the job felt perfect for me, and it gave me a chance to hone my reporting and writing skills without worrying about how my unconventional schedule affected anyone else.
Outside work, I had a full social life. My free time was occupied with after-work happy hours, karaoke nights, and shopping excursions with my friends. And while I did spend time dating, finding a husband wasn't really on my radar until my late 20s.
I also knew I wanted to travel as much as my limited budget would allow during my 20s, and I made regular road trips with friends as well as longer excursions around the country and abroad.
My husband and I waited to have kids once we met
When I finally met my husband, we dated for several years before marrying. And once we married, we knew we wanted to wait a few years to have kids to give ourselves time to settle into married life and enjoy our time together as a twosome.
During that time, we bought a house, traveled, and filled our spare time with concerts, parties, and quiet dinners at home. We knew that becoming parents would change our lifestyle, so we wanted to have time to enjoy the freedom of being child-free.
That time also allowed us to continue to advance in our careers and start building savings that we didn't have during our 20s. By the time we felt ready to start trying for a baby — when I was nearly 35 and my husband 37 — we felt confident that we were both as emotionally and financially prepared as possible for parenthood.
It took some time to have a child, but I'm glad we waited
But after months of negative pregnancy tests, I began to question my decision to wait to have kids. Research has found that a woman's ability to conceive after the age of 35 drops significantly. After nearly a year of trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant, testing determined I had a luteal phase defect — an inability of the uterine lining to thicken enough to support a pregnancy.
With that diagnosis, my doctor prescribed hormone therapy that allowed me to get and stay pregnant with my son. And once I got pregnant, my over-35 status put me and my baby at greater risk of complications such as birth defects.
Thankfully, I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy and gave birth to a healthy baby right before my 36th birthday. As I settled into motherhood, I wondered if I would've been better equipped for the long, sleepless nights and busy days of parenting an infant if I had the energy level of a woman a decade my junior. But while I still wish I had more energy for my son, I manage well enough to be an active mom.
Though I certainly experienced some of the cons of putting off parenthood, ultimately, I'm glad I waited to become a mom. Like my own parents, I feel settled and confident in my ability to raise and provide for a child. And though our social life is different now, my husband and I don't feel like we're missing out on anything as individuals or a couple.
So when my son asked that question, I only had one answer: "I'm older because I waited until I was ready to become a mom." While that age differs for everyone, waiting worked for me.