- I gave my daughter a
cellphone when she was 8 years old so I could know where she was at all times. - She became more independent, and I had the peace of mind of knowing she could reach me.
At the end of third grade, my daughter, then 8 years old, asked if she could walk to and from school with a friend instead of with me. Selfishly, I wanted to continue our daily walks because I loved hearing her thoughts and learning about her day as we walked our route, crowded with neighbors and shaded by big oak trees, twice a day.
But as a rising fourth grader, she was ready to take a small step toward independence and make the seven-minute walk without me.
I agreed to her plan, but only if she had a cellphone, so she could let me know that she'd arrived at school safely. That summer, I dug out one of my old phones and diligently learned how to use all of its parental controls. I locked the phone down as best as I could, restricting access to most apps and websites and allowing only incoming and outgoing calls and texts from numbers I approved.
Of course, I knew all the reasons to delay giving kids phones, such as the dangers of distractions and the peer pressure that comes with social media. But the benefits were undeniable.
My daughter got independence, and I got peace of mind
My daughter could get some of the independence she craved in small doses, in the short, well-known blocks between home and school. Our neighborhood is safe, but I still wanted to be sure she could call me if anything went wrong, and I wanted the peace of mind that her daily text telling me she'd arrived at school safely brought me.
Because my daughter has always been a social butterfly, I also liked knowing that she could make plans with friends after school and let me know where she was going.
With her newfound freedom, she took more initiative to manage her own social calendar. Sometimes she'd text after school to let me know she was going to a friend's house. Other times she asked if she could use her allowance to get ice cream at the small shop across the street after school. She gained more confidence as her cellphone opened more options to not only gain independence but also manage her time and money.
Soon, she was taking the bus to the small commercial strip a short ride from our house. This gave me the opportunity to teach her how to use the public-transportation app she'd need to plan her route to school in sixth grade when she started middle school. I also taught her how to use Google maps so that she could find her way home from just about anywhere she wandered in our neighborhood. That led to her planning routes to ride her bike to various parks around our neighborhood. Her confidence grew.
We talked about responsibility
There were other benefits I hadn't planned, too. It was around this time that my daughter started going to friends' houses more frequently for sleepovers. As the social life of her tween friends became more complex, I took great comfort in knowing that it would be easy for her to let me know if she ever felt uncomfortable and wanted to be picked up without having to explain to anyone why she wanted to use their phone.
I was also able to talk to my daughter about using cellphones responsibly at a young enough age that she was still receptive to learning from me. This was different from when I gave her older brother a phone closer to being a teenager. He was sure he already knew everything and didn't need any guidance, which made the transition to using a phone more difficult.
My daughter is about to turn 12, and I don't have any regrets about my decision to give her a phone at 8 years old. I would do it again without hesitation.