I always felt like no woman would love me because I'm a bi man. When I finally met my wife, she helped me accept and love my bisexuality.
- I'm a bisexual man, and I always worried no woman would ever want to date me.
- When I met my wife, I came out and she accepted me; she even found my bisexuality attractive.
I grew up in the late 1990s and early 2000s, when it felt like you could only be one of two things: straight or gay. If you were bisexual, people thought you were just "gay and in denial."
So I spent my life in the closet, terrified to tell anyone that I'm bisexual. I loved women but never felt worthy of having a girlfriend. I was bullied for being "unmanly" and made to feel that no woman would ever want me. I also faced rejection from gay guys who told me I was "confused" or just "kidding myself."
But when I met my wife, she helped me understand and harness my bisexuality for the first time.
I met my wife when I was 26 and fell in love, but I was nervous to tell her the truth about myself
I fell madly in love with my future wife — fast. I felt like she could be the one, so I resolved to be open with her early on in our relationship.
I was petrified. I thought no woman in her right mind would want to be with a bisexual guy. Even if she said it was fine on paper, I was convinced it would surely cause problems down the line.
But I finally plucked up the courage one evening. My heart was beating out of my chest. My palms were sweating, and my body was tense. I had never spoken about my sexuality to anyone before, so this was a huge moment.
"Um, so … I have a question," I said tentatively. "Have you ever kissed a girl before?"
To my astonishment, she replied casually, "Yeah, totally. Have you kissed a guy?"
I looked down and fidgeted nervously before looking up. I muttered, "Um … maybe."
What she said next changed my life forever. The answer that came back truly blew my mind.
Upon discovering that I had been with guys, her face lit up with intrigue. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Wow, that's so hot."
For this gorgeous woman to sit in front of me and be genuinely excited by my bisexuality was a total shock. I couldn't believe it. Could a woman really desire me as a bisexual man? Apparently so!
Since my coming out, we have built an amazing connection
As time went on, our connection grew deeper and we discussed all the different sides of ourselves. We compared which men and women we found attractive and explored our sexuality together.
I used to have a set idea of what women liked. I thought they all wanted macho alpha guys, but I was wrong. My wife hated all of that and was into my queer version of masculinity.
She loved my "feminine" traits and encouraged me to express myself freely. For the first time in my life, I felt genuinely sexy. It was fantastic.
My wife showed me how diverse women can be, too. Men are taught so many stereotypes about females that aren't true. I was able to experience her more masculine sides, which were wildly attractive to me, as well as her own gorgeous, unique version of femininity.
We have an electric connection because we explore ourselves in total freedom. To be able to express those parts that we thought were unlovable within the bond of unconditional love has been profoundly healing.
My wife is still my biggest ally today
My wife has always been my biggest ally — always listening, supporting, and being there for me. I've been able to open up to her about things I'd repressed for so long. Her listening has allowed me to process and overcome so much.
I finally came out publicly when I was 30. My wife was by my side 100% — standing up for me, educating people, and never letting anybody put us down. To have her there gave me the confidence I needed. I don't know what I'd have done without her.
She has always been an amazing support to me and others in our community. Her fearless, no-nonsense attitude is something that inspires me to this day.
I am forever grateful to my wife for helping me to love my bisexuality.