I accidentally got pregnant after dating a guy for 4 months. We've been together for over a decade.
- My boyfriend got me pregnant after four months of dating.
- I never thought I'd accidentally get pregnant, which sounds silly to say in retrospect.
When I tell people my new boyfriend and I got pregnant after four months of dating, they give me the same look: part sadness, part astonishment that we could be so foolish.
From the rearview mirror, I can see it all worked out, and I'm grateful every day that it did. My son is a kind and generous 12-year-old. He's preternaturally mature and — speaking from the perspective of a proud mother — quite dashing.
But to say it was a whirlwind ride with plenty of bumps is an understatement.
We started dating long-distance
I started dating Mark when I was living in New York City and he was in Denver. We'd gone to the same high school in rural Colorado but hadn't talked since then. Suddenly, thanks to a few Facebook messages, we found ourselves in a relationship.
After five years I'd grown sick of New York. I was making a paltry salary at a newspaper in the area, and my grandfather had recently died. Going back to my home state for a reset felt like the right thing to do. I quit my job and made plans to temporarily move back to Colorado. I took a job bartending at a run-down casino — something to tide me over for a few months until I could figure out my next move.
Not much later, the test came back with two lines. I was in shock, staring at the wand.
I didn't think I'd accidentally get pregnant
I never thought I'd get pregnant, and this sounds silly in retrospect. Sex and birth control weren't discussed when I was growing up with my religious grandparents. Their daughter, my mother, had an unintended pregnancy with a married man. My grandparents ended up raising me as their own because my troubled mother couldn't manage to parent.
I wanted kids someday, but the family trauma passed down was enough to make me pause. I was 30, and motherhood felt years off. I wanted a career. I wanted to travel.
I had always assumed I'd terminate an unexpected pregnancy. I ultimately felt that if this was my chance to have a baby, I wouldn't let it pass. I'm so thankful this was my own decision. I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of parents who never wanted you.
My new boyfriend was ready to do this with me
Another reason I feel fortunate today is that back then I had a partner who was on board with this scary, new phase called parenthood. There were many unknowns: our relationship, my career, and our shared goals for the future.
The fact that we weren't married or that we'd just started dating seemed to irk some people in our lives — as if we had the audacity to have a baby when that didn't follow a trajectory laid out by society. One person even quipped that I'd "soon learn" what was in store.
This is what makes me laugh the hardest today. I like to say I did learn soon enough what was in store: unadulterated love. This was something I didn't get from my own family.
It was never an easy road for us, but I can say with absolute certainty that motherhood is my most abiding joy — so much so that we added a baby girl to the mix five years later. A planned pregnancy was easier than an unplanned one, but not by much.
Of course, Mark and I had to figure out how to be in a relationship with each other and navigate a pregnancy. Communication, household chores, and finances all get magnified when a baby is in tow.
Life's ups and downs still happen no matter how hard you try to control the circumstances. We've moved several times, loved ones have died, and jobs have been lost. But we've never regretted the decision to have that baby.