How to stop feeling survivor's guilt during the pandemic if you think you haven't 'suffered enough'

• Anxiety and worries about the coronavirus pandemic may sometimes manifest as survivor's guilt.
• You may feel like you haven't suffered enough, or be embarrassed of your privilege.
• Psychologist Perpetua Neo said this is because humans are very aware of inequality, so when you survive a trauma and come out unscathed, it points to the unfairness of life.
• She said the feelings can be made even worse when there is so much public shaming going on towards those seen to have privilege.
• One way to halt the negative thought spiral is to journal the things you are grateful for, and reach out to others to find ways you can help them.

It's only natural to feel anxious during a pandemic, with worries of you or your loved ones getting sick. But as daily infection rates and death tolls seem to be dropping all over the world, a new sense of unease may start to crawl into your mind — survivor's guilt.

"Survivor guilt is common among survivors of natural disasters, violent conflicts, and epidemics," The Well Project website reads. "It refers to the feeling that many survivors have that they have done something wrong in surviving a traumatic event when others did not survive."

Anxieties can manifest in this way if you feel like you haven't suffered enough, according to psychologist Perpetua Neo. She told Insider some may be feeling ashamed or embarrassed of their perceived advantages in life, making the world feel even more unjust than usual.

"When you survive and you come out unscathed, or are even thriving, it points to the unfairness of life," she said. "People will come up with strange ideas to beat themselves up with for surviving."

We absorb and internalize the negativity we see

These feelings of guilt may be amplified right now because there is so much public shaming, particularly on social media, of those seen to live with privilege. Much of this anger comes from misplaced anxiety, fear, uncertainty, and stress, Neo said.

"Wth this cocktail of uncertainty and difficult emotions, we don't want to process, because it takes a lot of work," she said. "These emotions have to go somewhere, so you focus it on somebody else and form an online lynch mob for the stupidest of reasons."

Seeing how others are being targeted can lead to us absorbing that negative attention and focusing it inward because it plays on some of our already existing insecurities.

"Part of it is believing we don't deserve our jobs or resources," Neo said. "Because we have all done something bad in our lives. Or we could have worked a bit harder. There's always something we can shoot ourselves down for and we latch onto that."

Guilt can sometimes be turned into a positive thing, as a sort of moral compass to help give back to the world. But it can often go too far, because we are way harsher on ourselves than we are to anyone else.

"You wouldn't criticize your friends for having their jobs right now, you'd be happy for them" Neo said. "There are people who feel bad for having the capacity to store food. You can protract this guilt to literally anything in your life."

'Train your muscles of gratitude and giving back'

One way to halt this negative thought spiral is to remember that we are all wired to recognize inequality. Some of us are more sensitive to it, and need to work harder on changing that pattern of self-blame.

"You want to be very consciously building other neural circuits," Neo said. "It's going to be hard at first, like going to the gym, training ourselves. But it'll get easier the longer you do it. So train your muscles of gratitude and your muscles of giving back."

If your mind is going down a negative path, start journaling the things you are grateful for. It helps you settle into a more positive frame of mind.

Then you can ask yourself who you can help right now, either financially, physically with something like childcare, or mentally by letting someone unload some of their own stresses on you with a simple phone call.

You should look forward with little things that you can do in the future, rather than dwelling on things you cannot change in the past, Neo said.

"A mindset change we have to remind ourself of is, 'I did my best in this situation to the best of my knowledge and my resources,'" she said. "Even if I could have technically done more, because we always think we can do more, beating myself up continuously isn't making amends."

Reaching out to people is the best way to forgive ourselves and move on, Neo said, because it helps ground us in the present.

"We need to build bridges with other people and within ourselves," she said. "To me that is the best antidote to guilt."

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