How to stay friends with your ex — and decide whether it's a terrible idea

• Ariana Grande and Dalton Gomez reportedly split after two years of marriage but are said to be friends.
• If the decision to break up was mutual, friendship can be a natural transition, a therapist said.

When celebrity couples break up, they often release a statement declaring their love and respect for one another and desire to remain good friends. But is it actually healthy to be friends with your ex?

When reports emerged last week that Ariana Grande and Dalton Gomez, her husband of two years, , were rumored to be separated and headed for divorce sources told TMZ they were working on their friendship and speak regularly on the phone. Insider contacted Grande's representatives for comment.

Navigating a break-up can be extremely difficult and while you might still want that person in your life, it's not always obvious if that's a good idea or not.

Chantal Gautier, a senior lecturer in psychological sciences at the University of Westminster, sexologist, and therapist, told Insider that the answer typically depends on the nature of the relationship and how it ended.

"If it was mutual and both people agreed that the romantic element wasn't working anymore and decided the best way forward is to split up and they're happy with that, then it's maybe not unusual for them to still be friends," she said.

"It might be a very natural transition for them to carry on as friends because the likelihood is that within the duration of their relationship, they were already moving into the friend zone."

But if there are still feelings involved, remaining friends with an ex might be a lot trickier and will require some real self-reflection, Gautier said.

Gautier shared some guidance on how best to approach a friendship with an ex.

Be honest with yourself

Before you can even begin to navigate a transition from lovers to friends, you need to be very honest with yourself about your motivations.

"Do you want to stay friends with your ex because you are hoping they will change their mind and you'll get back together?" Gautier said. "If you still have feelings for your ex, do you just want to stay close to them? And is that going to work for you?"

Gautier suggested putting your cards on the table and telling the person you still have feelings for them and are struggling with the idea of splitting up but want to be friends or meet up every now and then, and ask them how they feel about that.

And be honest with each other

Discussing what you want your relationship to look like and how you are going to manage the transition is important.

"Having an honest conversation about where you stand and how you feel is a really good starting point," Gautier said.

Once that is established, you can decide if you want to set ground rules such as whether you will text, speak on the phone or meet up in person, how often you want to do these things, and what you will do if one of you starts seeing someone else.

Boundaries can be revisited later to check they are still working, she said.

When someone is upset about the break-up they may feel a need to hang around as part of their healing process, but that need may fade with time, Gautier said.

"It's ever-evolving and I don't think it's set in stone because people and their feelings change."

Take responsibility for your own feelings

Despite our best efforts at being respectful and communicative, relationships in any form are complicated, and things could still become messy — particularly if you end up reverting back to having sex or even just kissing and cuddling.

In this case, Gautier said that again we need to be very honest with ourselves about whether we are able to cope with this.

"If you still have feelings, but you know the other person is quite adamant that they want to move on, but you are still having sex with that person, you need to consider if that is going to help your healing or is that going to actually make it more difficult to move on," she said.

"And the person who's at the other end of it, who's happy to move on, can show empathy, and be compassionate about it. But I don't think they need to feel responsible for it."

We are responsible for our own feelings and our own sexuality, so it's up to us to show agency and reflect on what actually works for us, Gautier said.

"Someone can hold the space for you to explore that and ask questions, but that's very different than the other person, you know, stepping in and trying to save the other person."