How to date when you have IBS, according to 3 people who have done it

• When you have IBS, a condition that causes cramping, diarrhea, or constipation due to a person's diet, lifestyle, or stress, dating can feel impossible.
• People with IBS told Insider that planning ahead, knowing what physically triggers you, and getting creative with dates can help singles navigate their condition.

When Katie Wilson was dating her now-husband, she had a huge secret.

Date after date, he'd take her to his favorite pizza place in West Hollywood and order slices for both of them. But Wilson never ate the pizza.

"I'd say, 'You know, I'm just not that hungry,'" Wilson told Insider.

But it wasn't because she didn't want to, it was that she couldn't. Wilson has IBS, or irritable bowel syndrome, a condition that can cause cramping, bloating, gas, constipation, or diarrhea.

"I didn't have the guts to have that conversation," Wilson, who is now Match Group's chief dating expert, said. "We joke now that he probably wasted over $300 on pizza for me because I would order it, I'd go through the questions of ordering it every time."

On their fifth date at the pizza place, Wilson decided she would eat the pizza to make things seem less weird.

"To save you details, I was in that restaurant bathroom for a lot of the night," Wilson said. She then opened up about her illness, and they've been together ever since.

This scenario may sound familiar to people with IBS: nerves about how your body will react during the date, and tip-toeing around your illness for fear of being judged.

But there are ways to make dating with IBS doable, as Wilson and two others who have dated with IBS shared with Insider.

Be wary of what you eat before your date

Certain foods can trigger a person's IBS symptoms, so think about the day ahead of your scheduled date to help you feel prepared, Wilson said.

Someone with IBS may feel bloated at 5 p.m. if they eat lunch around noon. In that case, Wilson said, consider eating a lighter lunch, or certain foods they know won't cause bloating.

Talia Goldstein, the founder of matchmaking company Three Day Rule who also has IBS, said she'd skip a meal before a date, or eat very specific foods she could prepare at home.

"I just get really bloated, so as a girl dating who liked to wear tight outfits, I really needed to be careful about what I was eating," Goldstein, who is 40 and married, told Insider. "Not only so that I felt great, but also, so I looked great. So I basically wouldn't eat before dates."

Skipping out on food before a date over drinks or dinner has its pitfalls though, according to Wilson.

"On a number of occasions this meant that I was probably tipsier than I would have liked to be," she said.

Goldstein says she brings IBS-safe foods in her bag if she's worried she won't be able to find something safe to eat while on a date.

Wilson also created a line of snacks with ingredients that go easy on the stomach so folks with the condition can find safe options in a pinch.

Skip the dinner or drinks date and get creative

First dates often involve getting to know someone new over a meal or drinks, but Wilson said that cultural norm isn't the best for people with stomach problems.

She said that people with IBS might have to grill the wait staff about ingredients, or pick around their food for fear of having an adverse reaction in public.

"I think there's that real fear of being labeled high maintenance right off the bat," Wilson said.

To get around that problem, Goldstein swapped dinner dates for ones that didn't involve food as often as she could. One of her go-to date ideas was going to concerts.

Ben, a 33-year-old Los Angeles resident who asked to keep his last name private, said live music and hikes are the dates he feels most comfortable going on as someone with IBS.

With concerts, Ben said he could "kind of hide the fact that I'm in pain because I'm in a crowd," compared to dinners where, "you're facing someone who's looking straight at you, trying to judge whether they can marry you, and you're about to burst."

When Wilson felt she couldn't get out of a date at a bar, she'd get to the location before her date to make it appear as if she were drinking a cocktail.

"I would often get there early and ask for water and lime so that I didn't have to explain not drinking because of IBS," she said.

If your date is turned off when you explain your diagnosis, it could be a blessing in disguise

When it comes to telling a date about your condition, Goldstein said you shouldn't feel pressured to explain right away.

"You don't have to put all of your baggage out there on the first few dates, however, after a few weeks of dating, once you feel more comfortable, it's something that you want to disclose," she said. "And the chance of that person caring is much less because they've gotten to know you as a person."

And if a date seems turned off when you tell them you have IBS, it could be a blessing in disguise, Wilson said.

"I think a 'good guy' or 'good girl' is going to be understanding. So it's kind of a strange litmus test that's very unintentional, but by proxy does end up being a good indicator of how supportive someone may be."

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