'Fexting' — or fighting via text — can hurt your relationship. You miss nonverbal clues, and it's easier to misinterpret what's being said.

• Fighting or arguing over text is also known as "fexting."
• While for some it might be more practical, it can harm relationships.

Frequent arguments and disagreements between partners over text, also known as "fexting," have become commonplace due to the convenience and ease you can express your thoughts with over text messages. We are all so used to communicating digitally in our daily lives that it can become an unconscious habit to express our feelings and frustrations via text.

Regardless of whether it's a platonic or romantic relationship, fighting over text can have a wide range of implications. For some, the prospect of discussing their grievances face-to-face can be overwhelming, leading to using texting as a communication tool.

However, while it may seem like a practical solution, relying on fighting over text regularly may harm your relationships, leading to misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and disconnection.

Fexting is more common

The reason fexting has become a more common issue is that we are accustomed to instant gratification, and when something annoys or upsets us, we can feel the need to react quickly.

According to Tami Jak, a licensed marriage-and-family therapist, "couples regularly want me to referee text arguments like it's a zero-sum game with one clear winner and loser. That's not how it works in relationships, and fexting can bring out the worst on both sides."

Struggling couples are quick to feel triggered and react negatively. Fexting is easier because there is no direct confrontation, but it can feel like being metaphorically punched in the face — but can hurt much worse, for much longer.

"Since texting has become the preferred method of communication amongst millennials and Gen Z, fexting is bound to happen," Jak said. People can fext for various reasons, but if fexting is becoming the only way difficult conversations happen, it can speak to more insidious issues within relationships.

"Some may choose to fext due to its convenience, while others prefer it as they like to have more time to develop a finely crafted response. Next are those who resort to fexting because of their communication difficulties, and texting is simply the path of least resistance," Jaime Mahler, a licensed clinical psychotherapist, said.

Why fighting over text might be problematic

The recipient is much more likely to misinterpret the message someone is trying to convey because the recipient can't hear the sender's tone of voice or see their body language. This can be a potential cause for concern since much of communication happens through nonverbal cues.

It's a lot easier to take everything much more literally over text than it would be in a face-to-face conversation. When someone is talking to you in person, they are more likely to soften their tone or word something differently, whereas, over text messages, there's a higher chance of coming across harsh and blunt without meaning to.

"When fighting over text, it can be easier to hold grudges or bring up the past because it's all there in writing," Jak said. "When you argue in person, it can be easier to move on since you can't scroll back up and relive the argument in the same way that you can with texting."

Situations where it may be OK

There are some situations involving more trivial issues where it can be beneficial to share negative feelings over text. "For instance, if your partner annoys you by picking up the wrong groceries, it can be better to text them about it rather than wait to discuss it in person," Mahler said.

It's a minor inconvenience, and you'll probably have forgotten about it by the time they get home. In cases like this, sending a quick text message can be beneficial to get it off your chest and move on.

It's worth noting that there are some advantages to fexting if you approach it mindfully. The primary benefit is that it allows ample time to gather one's thoughts and articulate them effectively, hopefully resolving the conflict.

Some people aren't built to respond immediately — it's not how their minds work. "It's common for introverts to need time to process their thoughts during an argument," Jak said.

Ways to avoid it

If you're apart and you want to resolve a conflict as soon as possible, a phone call can be a more effective medium than texting because you convey your emotional state with your voice.

"When you have the urge to hit send, stop, take a deep breath, and put the phone down. Give yourself time and space to let the feelings subside and refocus on connecting and communicating with your partner," Jak said.