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Every couple should invest time in a 6-second kissing ritual. Here's why.

Aug 3, 2023, 03:30 IST
Insider
Keanu Reeves and Alexandra Grant shared a kiss on the MOCA gala red carpet.Momodu Mansaray/Getty Images
  • Relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman recommend a six-second kiss as a simple relationship-boosting exercise.
  • According to the Gottmans, this type of kiss can boost trust and appreciation between partners.
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When was the last time you kissed — like, really kissed — your partner?

Even a brief smooch can do wonders for the health of your relationship, according to John and Julie Gottman, two therapists and researchers who have studied relationships for four decades, and who are also a married couple. They're best known for the therapy method they created based on their research, called The Gottman Method.

As part of their action-based approach, the Gottmans offer one-minute relationship-boosting exercises to show that small but consistent efforts can make a huge difference in the health of a relationship, Insider previously reported. The six-second kiss, while even less time-consuming, offers the same benefits, they say.

Six seconds may sound like an impossible amount of time to achieve anything. But a six-second kiss is the perfect amount of time to create a romantic moment of connection with a partner, according to the Gottmans. The style of kiss, whether with or without tongue, doesn't matter, so long as it brings both partners to the present moment.

We spend much of our day-to-day lives rushing around to fulfill responsibilities like work and family care, and we often forget to be present with our romantic partners, says John Gottman.

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So when you infuse an intimacy-boosting ritual, like a six-second kiss, into your interactions with your partner, you're showing that you want to support, understand, and feel connected to them, in turn building trust between each other, according to the Gottman Institute website.

The benefits of a six-second kiss are far-ranging, therapist Kari Rusnak wrote on the Gottman Institute's website. They include things like increasing fondness and admiration towards each other, reducing stress, and reinforcing the appreciation you have for your partner.

You can also think of this prolonged kiss as a "temporary oasis" from being productive, and one that helps you shift into relaxation and quality-time mode with your lover, according to the Gottmans.

If you turn it into a daily or near-daily ritual, it can be a strategy for checking in with your partner, wrote Rusnak. And when your partner knows you're there for them, they're more likely to see you as a consistent and trustworthy lover, even in the moments where you're apart.

You can have your kiss whenever it best fits into your schedule, but doing it before you part ways or when you reunite can be especially effective for getting you each back into one-on-one connection mode, according to the Gottman Institute website.

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The best part? There's no limit on how many six-second smooches you can have throughout the day.

Based on the Gottman's research, the happiest couples spend an average of six hours each week focusing on each other. Those hours can be spent on things like date nights, relationship check-ins and, you guessed it, a long and romantic kiss.

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