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sex and kink lie on a gradient of desires rather than having rigid differences. - Vanilla sex isn't clearly defined because what is considered unconventional changes over time and with society, experts say.
Kink in sex has gotten more attention over the last few years than it has in decades prior.
With films and shows like "50 Shades of Grey" and "Bonded" gaining traction in the pop culture zeitgeist, some people may wonder if they need to get more creative with their sex lives.
As a result, people who practice "vanilla sex" may feel self-conscious about their sex being boring or dry.
Insider spoke to sex experts about where the concept of vanilla sex originated and why we shouldn't shame people who practice it.
What is vanilla sex?
While vanilla sex is commonly used to describe bland or boring sex, its actual definition originates in kink and
According to Marika Leila Roux, CEO and founder of Shibari Study, vanilla sex was developed to distinguish sex outside of kink from BDSM and other sexual practices considered outside of the mainstream.
Over time, vanilla sex warped into a way to describe sex as mundane or conventional.
"When people hear the word 'vanilla' they associate it with plain or bland. People often look down upon vanilla sex because of the judgment that comes along with the label," Tyomi Morgan, a sexologist and Sweet Vibes in-house sexpert, told Insider.
"It's the idea that those who participate in vanilla sex are boring, inflexible, and unwilling to try new things in sex."
While the stereotypes indicate vanilla sex is boring, this is far from the truth.
"Having vanilla sex doesn't mean there is a lack of variety, so talking with your partner about the different things you want to try helps enhance pleasure," Kristie Overstreet, a sex therapist, told Insider.
Anyone - including people in kink spaces - can have vanilla sex
The important thing to remember about sex is that it is a spectrum. While the labels "kink" and "vanilla" can make the two seem very separate, the difference between the two is more of a gradient or ven diagram.
For example, a common misconception about vanilla sex is that people who like kink can't have it. In fact, Roux told Insider most people who practice kink likely enjoy some aspects of vanilla sex.
"There might be a few, particularly fetishists, who get nothing out of [vanilla sex], but the essence of kink really is about getting to explore a spectrum of experiences, and yes, most of what we tend to consider vanilla sex falls onto the spectrum," Roux said.
Vanilla sex and kink have changed over time, so don't think too much about the label behind your sex
Roux told Insider because what is considered "typical" is subjective and has changed over time as society has become more open to queerness, gender, and sex in general, "vanilla" isn't a fixed term.
"We tend to define vanilla sex by what we consider typical or conventional. Most of us probably think of oral sex as pretty 'conventional' but remember that up until as recently as the mid 20th century, it was still considered taboo," Roux told Insider.
"There is no set-in-stone answer as to what defines vanilla and what defines kinky because these are dictated by societal norms that are constantly in flux and evolving."
Ultimately, the labels behind the sex don't need to be the most important thing defining your intimate life. Instead, discussing consent, boundaries, and desires with your partner can make any form of sex enjoyable.