- Actors Demi Moore and Bruce Willis are quarantining together with their three daughters, 20 years after their split.
- Other divorced couples around the US have made similar arrangements to allow both parents to safely be with their children amid the coronavirus pandemic.
- Experts encourage parents in these situations to manage their, and their children's, expectations.
- Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.
Twenty years after their high-profile
As the coronavirus pandemic continues to upend people's lives across the US, many divorced couples — like Moore and Willis — have had to make difficult decisions.
Some divorced parents, who don't live near one another, have had to choose which parent their children will stay with, due to travel restrictions and stay-at-home orders. Alternatively, some parents have decided to all stay together, allowing both parents to safely spend time with their children during the pandemic, even if that means navigating some relationship challenges.
Some divorced couples have decided to move back in together, so their children can be with both parents
This was the case for Lisa Miller and her ex-husband, who are now living under the same roof again in Los Angeles. The pair filed for divorce last year, after 13 years of marriage, and sold the home they shared. While hunting for an apartment, Miller moved in with her parents, and her three children joined her half the time.
But as the number of coronavirus cases increased in their area, Miller's parents grew concerned about getting sick, and told their daughter that their three grandchildren could no longer visit.
"I literally showed up at my ex's and explained, 'If I live [with my parents], I can't see the kids," Miller said. "I have nowhere else to go. Can I stay with you?'"
He agreed.
Miller shares a bedroom with her children at her ex's home. They each take turns with childcare duties.
Divorced couples say they're trying to foster a comfortable environment while managing expectations
On occasion, the five of them have dinner together. But they're not working on family projects or posting smiling photos in matching outfits to social media.
The mom of three said she's doing her best to be sensitive to her children's feelings and to manage their expectations.
"I'm constantly reminding them that mom and dad are not getting back together," she told Insider. "This is a temporary situation."
Miller said the couple hasn't had a single fight, but there have been some uncomfortable moments.
At one point, Miller's 13-year-old started searching online for a new apartment for her. But showings have been cancelled and moving right now isn't a realistic option.
The pair copes by giving each other space, when they can. Miller goes out for multiple walks daily alone, often more than six miles at a time.
Keeping children in one home may help to minimize their anxiety during a challenging time
Marissa Parker Gold, a parent educator in Southern California, agrees that if it's possible to keep children living in just one home at the height of the pandemic, that's likely the best option.
"Many children are experiencing such high anxiety right now that moving back and forth between parents isn't in their best interest," Gold said.
However, Gail Cirlin-Lazerus, a New York-based family therapist, is concerned that couples who try living together during this period may romanticize it as an opportunity to have a fresh start at their relationship, and may likely be let down.
Exes who decide to live together should have realistic expectations for each other
"It's not realistic to expect a better version of your ex than they have always been," she said. "True colors are only highlighted in times of crisis."
Sasha Lazard, a singer-songwriter, said she feels fortunate that she and her ex-husband have been on good terms since their 2009 divorce. Over the years, they've continued to celebrate holidays together and take vacations with other families who they have remained close with.
That made it easier for them to set up the terms for sharing a home again during the pandemic.
Lazard lives in Manhattan and her ex-husband lives in Brooklyn. Prior to the pandemic, their 13-year-old would commute 20 minutes each way between the two on the subway. Once that mode of transportation was no longer an option, Lazard and her ex decided to move with their teenager, and Lazard's 9-year-old from another relationship, to a home she rented in Sag Harbor, New York.
She agrees that managing expectations is essential in this situation.
"I remind myself to put a lot less pressure on him because he's not my husband," Lazard said.
They've managed to settle into a comfortable routine. They eat meals together, take group walks and watch "Friday Night Lights" episodes before bed.
Because their lives were already so intertwined, Lazard said their teenager isn't questioning whether their reunion could be permanent.
But their friends can't help but to feel hopeful and have been texting them both, asking if they're considering getting back together.
"I get it," she said. "Everybody wants a Hollywood ending."
- Read more:
- How divorced parents are handling the coronavirus pandemic and rethinking custody arrangements
- Parents quarantined for coronavirus exposure can't hug or kiss their children to comfort them
- Bruce Willis and Demi Moore are staying in the same house with their children 20 years after their high-profile divorce
- 11 books to help children cope with school closings, not seeing friends, and feeling anxious