Date nights saved my marriage. Here's what 19 years of dates have taught me.

• When my second child was born I had a long list of excuses of why I couldn't do dates.
• Eventually I admitted I needed time away from the kids and with my spouse.

Back in 2004, a few months after my second child was born, my neighbor Michele mentioned she and her husband had a weekly date night and suggested I do the same. I instantly came up with a zillion excuses: My kids didn't like babysitters; I was tired from working all day; I would feel too guilty; and I didn't want to spend the money.

But eventually I admitted that I needed a break, and that some alone time with my spouse didn't sound so bad after all. So I reluctantly followed her advice, and that turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.

We've been having date nights for 19 years now

Date night became sacred for me and my husband Jay, and grew into a weekly tradition that's lasted 19 years.

No matter how busy our life got, especially in those early days, we always carved out three or four hours a week for just us. I would plan our date one week and he would plan the next. This forced us both to snap out of auto-pilot, put in some effort, and get creative.

We had a standing appointment with our babysitter on Thursday nights, so even when we didn't really feel like going out, we went anyway. No excuses. Even on the nights I felt drained, I dragged myself out the door, and our outings ended up energizing me.

We did all kinds of things during our dates

Before our youngest went to college last fall, I'd estimate that Jay and I went on more than 900 date nights. Sometimes we checked out a new dive bar; other nights we went bowling. We saw movies and went to plays. We scanned the local paper for cheap concerts or exhibits. No matter what we did, we got to share unique experiences that kicked us out of our ruts and boosted our bond. It felt great to break out of Mom-and-Dad mode and connect as a couple again.

I certainly felt guilty going out sometimes, especially when my son or daughter threw a fit when I was getting ready or just didn't want us to go. But I also knew we were setting a good example for them of how to prioritize a marriage and make it work. And they grew to love their time with their babysitters, many of whom became trusted mentors and family friends over the years.

Our dates helped keep the spark alive

There's an old saying that goes, "Date your partner or someone else will." Looking back, I really feel like that's true. Our date nights helped keep the spark in our relationship alive, and allowed us to connect as a couple rather than just as co-parents. Plus, our date nights gave us something to look forward to when times got tough.

Even when my husband and I inevitably hit some rough patches in our relationship, we kept our date nights going. Some dinners were stony and silent, as we seethed from opposite sides of the table. But even when we were pissed off, we still showed up for each other. And that simple act ended up saving us in the end.

I highly encourage all couples to commit to a weekly date night even if it's just in the living room after the kids go to bed. Consider date nights an investment in your future relationship, almost like an emotional 401K you can draw from later.

Now that my husband and I are empty nesters with nearly 20 years of date nights in our rearview, the foundation we built week by week continues to hold us up, and has become a sturdy launching pad for all our new adventures. Because in this house, the date nights never end.