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As a twin, there are 6 things people do that we hate. From calling us 'the twins,' to comparing us all the time.

Jun 28, 2023, 23:00 IST
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The author (left) and her twin sister.Courtesy of Jenna Clark
  • My twin sister and I are 24 years old and know the benefits and drawbacks of being twins.
  • We don't like being called "the twins" since we are both different individuals.
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My twin sister and I are 24 years old, so we've had our fair share of questions from strangers. Although I have found there to be more benefits than drawbacks — which I am very grateful for — there are some things people do and say to me that I strongly dislike and wish they would stop doing.

We have names, and we are not just 'the twins'

When people speak about me or tell a story that involves me, I am more often than not referred to as "the twins," even if the event did not involve my twin sister.

Whenever I hear "the twins," it makes me feel sad, and as if without my sister, I would be invisible to people.

Some people say it's just easier than saying both of our names. But it's not — our names are two words just like "the twins." I wish they took the time to know our names and treat us as individuals.

People always ask if we dress the same

I do sometimes enjoy dressing like my sister if we're going to spend a day at a Disney park together. However, it's not a regular thing I do because we have our individual styles, and I like to keep it that way.

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The author (left) and her twin sister at Disney World.Courtesy of Jenna Clark

When someone asks me if we dress the same, I'm often tempted to respond with "Do you dress the same as your sibling?" to show them how it feels — just because we have the same face doesn't mean we like all of the same things or want to wear the same outfit all of the time.

We spend a lot of time together, and some find that weird

I am very fortunate for the strong relationship I have with my twin sister. We're roommates and do a lot of stuff together, whether it be going to restaurants or theme parks. I genuinely enjoy being in her presence. I feel like she is one of the few people who understand me since we've been together practically since birth, except for college when we lived in separate dorms.

I know I could be better about spending time with other friends at certain points, but I never feel bad — and should never be made to feel bad — about spending quality time with my sister if that is what I like to do.

We get compared to each other — a lot

The internal and external pressure to be like my twin can be a lot at times. I especially felt pressure as a child, and my sister developed an eating disorder from the fear that she would be viewed negatively if she looked different from what I did.

Being compared to my twin almost daily has made me feel almost wrong when I try to develop my sense of identity. When people ask if I really like certain things or only do them because my sister does, it rubs me the wrong way. For instance, I have purple hair, and she has pink hair. People always ask me if I really like it or just did it because she has it, and I wanted to be like her. I should be able to do something without feeling like I owe others an explanation.

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I wish people would stop telling me that I will always have a best friend

Even though I am confident that I will have a best friend in my sister for as long as I live, I think people telling twins, "You'll always have a best friend," can be harmful. Oftentimes, people say these things without truly knowing the extent of the two individuals' relationship with each other.

While I know most people mean well when they say this, it can feel very limiting and can potentially be dangerous to instill this mindset in somebody's brain, especially during their younger years. If the relationship between two twins isn't the best or is toxic, I think that telling someone that another person will always be in their life is intimidating.

I always get asked about my twin

Although I have learned to accept that this is how it is going to be for me, it still is frustrating when I share a piece of news with someone — especially a family member or friend — or tell them something about myself to which they immediately respond with "What about Casey?" or "Is Casey going too?"

It makes me feel as though I can not be validated or celebrated exclusively without my twin. I wish people knew how disappointing it is to be so excited to share personal news or an update with somebody for them to completely dismiss you at that moment and ask about your twin.

I understand that we're viewed as a "package deal," but I just wish that sometimes I could have moments where I was the only one being heard or thought about when it matters most to me.

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