As a plus-size mom I want my kids to see me comfortable with my body, so I'm regularly naked in front of them
- As a fat kid, I learned that my body — especially my stomach — was something I should be ashamed of.
- I became more body confident in college and felt no shame being naked.
"Why are you looking at pajamas?" my 7-year-old asked incredulously, as if I were trying to pull something over on her. "You sleep naked."
I quickly scanned the surrounding area in Target to see if anyone had heard, so I could offer them an apologetic smile, but luckily there was no one else in earshot.
While I don't make a point of being naked around my daughters — who are 3 and 7 — I don't make a point of covering up, either.
They know I can't stand the way clothes tug and pull in the night and always strip down at bedtime. If they crawl into my bed after a nightmare or for a snuggle in the morning, they find me in my birthday suit and it's a nonissue.
We shower together, and I don't think twice about a naked dash to the laundry room to find some clean underwear, especially since rural living means the only neighbors I have to worry about are bears and birds.
Though most parents begin covering up more as their kids get older, it's becoming even more important for me to remain comfortable with my naked body in front of the girls. Being naked as a plus-size mom isn't about my boobs or butt; it's about my belly and dimpled thighs. I want to show the girls that no matter what they look like, their bodies are beautiful and deserve to take up space.
As a child, I felt ashamed of my chubby body
Growing up, I rarely saw my parents naked. My mom would change in front of me but always modestly turn her back. If I came to chat with her while she was in the tub, she'd pull a washcloth over her breasts.
Yet I was fascinated by my mom's body, which I thought might give a small peek at what my own might look like as an adult. I looked at her stretch marks and saw glimpses of her dark nipples and wondered whether my body would change in those ways as well.
But I knew there was a major difference between us: My mom was trim, and even as a child I was chubby. She took care to cover up her breasts, butt, and vulva; but even as a kid, I received the message that my soft, doughy stomach was the thing I needed to cover above all else.
I found self-love, and I want to demonstrate that to my girls
My relationship with my body began to change in college. I didn't lose weight, but I found fitness. I realized how strong I am, and I was finally able to detach messages about my worth from a number on the scale. I started sleeping naked, I bought my first two-piece, and I even posed nude.
I felt as if I was reclaiming the love for my body that social narratives around bigger bodies had stolen. When I moved in with the man who would become my husband, I didn't think twice about walking around our apartment naked.
When I became a mother, I loved seeing the comfort my children took in my body. Their favorite place to nap was my cushiony stomach, their tiny infant toes wiggling between the warmth of my thighs, their sweet cheeks resting on my breasts.
Now, those tummy cuddles are rare. When my daughters do crawl on top of me, their limbs reach my knees. I don't know what they'll look like when they're adults, but for now, one daughter is slim-built — like her dad's family — while the other has my thick frame.
It will be an uphill battle to remind them not to compare themselves to others — and to love themselves however they are shaped. Maybe, just maybe, being unashamed about my own body will lay the groundwork for them to have the confidence and self-love I wish I had discovered sooner.