As a New York mom, I was entitled to paid family leave. But when my daughter was stillborn, the state revoked my leave at the time when I needed it most.

• Cassidy Perrone's pregnancy resulted in a stillbirth in March 2022.
• A week afterward, Perrone's employer called to revoke her paid leave.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Cassidy Perrone. It has been edited for length and clarity.

Almost exactly a year ago, I went in for a routine 36-week checkup. I was excited to welcome my first child. The pregnancy was a surprise, but my husband and I had been busy preparing, renovating our home, and making sure it was ready for our daughter.

Then I heard, "I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat." Delivering Olivia was a torture I can't describe. I was in labor for 17 hours in a room that should have been filled with her first cry and our happy tears. Instead, it was a vacuum.

My husband and I left the hospital empty-handed, heartbroken, and unsure how to carry on. We had a funeral for Olivia a week later. Two days after that, my employer called to tell me that because Olivia died, the state of New York was revoking my paid parental leave. I was distraught. It felt like I was being punished because my baby died.

I couldn't get out of bed, let alone work

Having to prepare for a baby had come as a surprise financially. Since I'm the breadwinner in the family, my husband and I were really counting on the $1,070 in paid family leave I would receive each week.

After Olivia died, I couldn't get out of bed physically or mentally, let alone go to work. Returning to my job would have been against my doctor's orders, as I dealt with leaking breasts, vaginal bleeding, and postpartum depression.

My husband was terrified he would lose me after we lost our baby. I struggled with suicidal ideation because I wanted to be with Olivia so badly.

On top of it all, I had to worry about money. The state told me instead of using paid family leave, I could use short-term disability, which paid $170 a week. We couldn't live on that. My husband returned to work full time, and we relied on savings and our credit cards to get through the three months I waited to return to work. We now have $10,000 in credit-card debt from that time.

I want Olivia's legacy to be a change to this policy

Right away, I started advocating for change. Olivia will have a legacy if I can save one parent from the cruelty of that call I got from my employer saying the state revoked my leave.

I've met with Gov. Kathy Hochul's office twice. They expressed concern but pointed out that paid family leave wasn't meant to help you care for yourself — it's for taking care of a loved one.

That argument didn't sit well with me. This policy physically and mentally harms a small portion of people who have already paid into the system. An exception should be made for people whose babies die. It wouldn't even need financial approval since parents like me are already paying into the leave system.

Despite that, the governor is still not publicly supportive of Senate Bill S2175, which would make this change. I've helped organize advocacy efforts so that others can join the fight.

I changed jobs because of this

Every day, four New York mothers have my experience when their previously approved leave is revoked because their babies die. Disproportionately, they're Black moms, who are at higher risk for stillbirths, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. They have more than twice the chance of stillbirth compared with white and Hispanic moms, according to the agency.

I lose sleep over that. I'm more financially stable than many people. I had savings and credit cards. I don't know if I'd be here if I had to return to work.

Today, I'm 30 weeks pregnant. But I couldn't risk losing leave when I needed it. That's why I changed jobs, joining a law firm in Connecticut, a state that gives paid family leave to parents of stillborn children. I needed assurance that if, God forbid, I had another stillbirth, I would be cared for.