An American mom raising teens in Paris said French parents don't check or track their kids' phones — and give them privacy for sex

• Pamela Druckerman wrote "Bringing Up Bébé" arguing that parenting in France is superior to the US.
• The 2012 book caused a sensation because it said Americans could learn from French moms and dads.

When Pamela Druckerman published her ground-breaking book, "Bringing Up Bébé," in 2012, her daughter was around 5, and her twin sons were toddlers.

It caused a stir because the author compared the parenting style of the French with that of the US. Druckerman, a transplant to Paris from Miami, concluded that, unlike in America, moms and dads in France called the shots in the family, not the kids.

The book's title in the UK was "French Children Don't Throw Food," summing up her observation that they were better behaved because of the less angsty approach.

Now Druckerman's kids are 18 and 15, she has returned to her theory. She told Business Insider that while a few US parenting styles had begun to cross the Atlantic, most French parents raise their older children differently.

She said they shared some concerns with their American counterparts — particularly over the influence of social media — but highlighted three common attitudes from which US parents might learn.

Most French parents don't track their teens' location

In "Bringing Up Bébé," Druckerman noted that so-called Helicopter Parenting — when parents hover over their kids and cater to their whims — was an alien concept to many French people.

She said that, as is often the case in America, they don't follow them around the playground.

Instead, adults can have interrupted conversations while their children are left alone to play independently and manage their own interactions.

She said the same "hands-off" approach extends to the teenage years when parents rarely interfere in their relationships with friends.

"In America, I've met plenty of parents who monitor their teenagers quite closely, feeling entitled to read their private text messages," Druckerman said.

She said it was unusual for French parents to track their adolescents' location using the GPS on their phones.

"I don't see that happening," she added. "Parents expect them to have a private life."

They respect their privacy in terms of sex after the age of consent of 15

Druckerman said the age at which kids in France have sex for the first time is around 17. She said the average American loses their virginity at a similar age.

She said what's different is that the French tend to acknowledge it, while Americans prefer to shy away from the fact.

"There is a lot of discussion here about adolescent sexuality — an expectation that teens will be having sex," the author said, adding that they're afforded their privacy. "In the US, I get the impression that parents pretend it's not happening when, of course, it is," she told BI.

French pharmacies dispense free condoms to young people under the age of 26, and girls have easy access to birth control and morning-after pills funded by the public health system.

"There are no questions asked, and parents aren't consulted," Druckerman said.

Most French moms and dads ensure their children know they have a life outside parenting

Druckerman cited research by the Financial Times showing that parents in most developed countries, including the UK, Spain, and Canada, spend more time with their children than in the past.

The study found that, in 2020, Americans spent three hours a day practicing "hands-on" parenting, such as helping with homework or playing with their kids, up from two hours in 1965.

In contrast, French parents spent almost an hour less "together time" with their kids in 2020 than they did 55 years earlier.

"It had gone up dramatically in almost every single country that they tracked except for France, where the number of hours parents spend per day with their kids has declined," Druckerman said.

The mom added that French parents ensure that they are not defined as such. "They have their own lives to lead," she said. "Children are raised to see them as individuals who need time and space for themselves."

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