After giving birth I used a script with people who wanted to come help out. It helped me set boundaries.

• I recently gave birth to my first child and was quickly overwhelmed with friends reaching out.
• Their intentions were good, and I really needed their support.

A few hours after giving birth, I found myself sitting in the hospital bed, holding my newborn, and checking my phone for the first time in a while. My husband had been sending our loved ones a play-by-play of my labor and delivery. They knew exactly when the baby was born. That's why, when I picked up my phone, I had 10 missed calls and dozens of text messages from people sending congratulatory wishes and asking for photos of the baby.

Once we got home from the hospital, the messages didn't stop. Everyone was asking how we were doing, when they could come see the baby, and what they could do to help.

At first, I was so overwhelmed that I lied to everyone and told them we were doing just fine and had everything we needed. The truth was, we could have used all the support in the world to get us out of piles of laundry, endless household chores, and help us prepare meals so we weren't eating granola bars all day long.

I decided to write out a few scripts based on the type of help that we needed at the moment, so when people reached out, I had a reply ready to go.

Here's exactly what I sent our loved ones when they offered support so that we could give them practical options while also setting clear boundaries around what we needed.

When I needed help with the dirty work

On the days when household chores were piling up and I could use a few extra sets of hands, I desperately wanted to ask loved ones to come over and help out with the dirty work. While asking people to come over and do dishes, clean the bathroom, or meal prep dinners for the week, felt hard to do because I didn't want to bother them, it felt necessary to put it at least out there and see who would be up for providing that type of support.

Here's what I sent out when we needed hands-on help:

"I'm so grateful that you've been offering to help us out during this exciting and overwhelming time. Right now, a lot of the support we could use is around the house. If you're available for a few hours this week, we'd be so appreciative for an extra pair of hands to help with laundry, tidying up, and even cooking up a few easy dishes we could store in the fridge. The best times for us are around 2 pm to 4pm since the baby is using napping then. If that works for you, let us know. We'd love to have you over!"

When I didn't need IRL help

During the first few weeks with our newborn, there were so many days that I didn't want anyone to come over. I was dealing with so many emotions, and so much exhaustion that having someone enter our tiny one-bedroom apartment seemed daunting.

However, there were still things that people could do without being here that were helpful. We decided to ask people for help with grocery shopping, running errands, or dropping meals outside our front door.

Here's what I sent on the days we didn't want in-person help:

"Thank you so much for offering to help out today. I know how excited everyone is to spend quality time with the baby, but right now, we're all feeling a bit exhausted and overwhelmed. We'd still love your support and have a few ideas that could help us out immensely. If any of these options work for you, let us know!

- Are you able to do a grocery run for us? We'll reimburse you and share a list of what we need before you head to the store.

- Would you be able to run a few errands? We need a few things from two stores in the neighborhood that we've already paid for in advance. Do we just need someone to pick them up and drop them off?

- I know we'd all love a hearty meal tonight. You offered to cook us your famous lasagna. We'd love to take you up on that!"

When I needed a break

Since my husband and I didn't have any time off from work after having the baby, we found ourselves trying to jump back into too many things at once. Not only did we have to care for our newborn, but we also had to work our full-time jobs.

There were some days when all we needed was someone to watch the baby, hold her, and feed her, while we both focused on work, or when one of us needed a 30-minute break to take a nap, go for a solo-walk, or just take a long shower.

Here's what I shared with our loved ones when we needed that type of help:

"I'd love to take you up on your offer to come come over and watch the baby today. I need to focus on putting together a big client proposal so I'll be sitting in the other room to work on this, but will be home. The best time to come would be from 10am until 1pm. Does that work for you?"