After coming out at 50, I had the best sex of my life. But after menopause, my partner and I embraced foreplay and dirty talk.

• When I came out at 50, I had sex with a woman for the first time, and it was a sensory explosion.
• For the next eight years I had the best sex of my life. Then I started going through menopause.

Shortly before I turned 50, I experienced sexual intimacy with a woman for the first time. After years of keeping my sexuality a secret and fantasizing about this moment, I was thrilled to find my first encounter was even better than I could have imagined.

I had the best sex of my life in my early 50s — but when my menopausal hot flashes subsided, so did my sex drive. Since then, my partner and I have had to get creative with intimacy, and the results have been incredible.

I was married to a man for 25 years before coming out, and I believed I was irreparably broken sexually

I never experienced the unbridled passion I'd heard my friends describe. Whenever my husband and I had sex, it felt wrong in an intangible, unknowable way. I wasn't comfortable telling him about these feelings or the shame I felt after sex.

Everything changed when I fell in love with a woman. She and I worked for the same company and had a common friend, which is how we began spending time together. The two of us became fast friends, and though our friendship was initially platonic, I fell in love with her and began to experience a deep desire to be with her sexually.

After getting a divorce and coming out, being touched by a woman for the first time was a sensory explosion

One evening, after a romantic dinner at her place, we were snuggled together, and she began softly kissing my cheek. I was desperate to feel her lips on mine. In a bold move, I turned my head and kissed her. That kiss, which resembled a headbutt on the lips, is something we still laugh about. Things progressed slowly from there as we discovered each other's bodies.

Being intimate with her for the first time, I felt emotions and sensations previously out of reach. It was a sensory explosion like nothing I'd ever experienced. When her brown eyes rose to meet mine, she said, "You're gorgeous." My whole body melted; it was pure ecstasy from start to finish.

When her soft fingertips traced the curves of my body, I shivered as my nerve endings bolted to attention. As she touched me, her gaze took in the contours of my breasts and the longing in my eyes, and I whispered, "Don't stop."

I'd been waiting to be with a woman for nearly 50 years, and the wait was worth every minute. She was a perfect and patient lover, moving slowly and allowing me to set the pace.

It's difficult to describe the thrill of being fully authentic for the first time. It was both exhilarating and serene. I remember that night like it was yesterday.

For the next 8 years I had the best sex of my life

My desire took off in our early years together and burned white-hot. For the first time in my life, sex felt beautiful, exciting, and right. I had never known intimacy apart from shame. It was intoxicating.

I felt known and accepted. I felt deeply loved and beautiful. I could see in her eyes that she adored me every time she looked at me. I finally understood why everyone liked sex, and I was ready to make up for the lost time. I think both of us found a home in each other. After almost 15 years we're still together, having tied the knot in 2014.

But back then I wondered how I'd ever survived without sex like this, and I couldn't fathom the possibility it could someday wane.

But when I started going through menopause at 57, my desire drifted away

As I navigated hormonal change, I experienced a sharp drop in libido. I also struggled to reach orgasm. I was a little frustrated and feared this would impact my relationship with my wife. I enjoyed becoming a sensual woman, and I had a hard time reconciling who I was in the absence of an orgasm.

While I grappled with losing this exciting part of our relationship, my wife looked at things in a much more creative light. We talked at length about the changes in my body and realized we had an opportunity to create our own definition of sex and intimacy.

We've expanded our thinking about what it means to be intimate

One of the biggest hurdles I faced after menopause was in how I viewed sex. I realized I was narrowly focused on getting to the big finish. My beautiful wife helped me shift my thinking to see sex not as a means to an orgasm but as a way to connect. Now we relish kissing and touching; those acts are no longer foreplay but the main event. We also love to talk erotically to each other.

We're experiencing a new delight in creating intimacy without the pressure of a big finish. We've both felt a deeper connection since being forced to find new ways to enjoy each other sexually.

This paradigm shift has made a massive difference for us. Staying fluid in our relationship allows us to weather the changes and challenges we face. Learning to be sexually creative and shift our focus has been a fun and sexy journey.